Emily303

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Offline (the 06/27/2015 at 8:51pm)

Emily303

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 12 September 1993 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3187
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Emily303's page activity

Visits<b>Diesel_D</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 2:29am

Emily303's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Emily303's badges

Emily303's favorite FMLs

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

by MouserMan / 10/22/2014 at 10:47am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

by Australian Lifeguard / 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

by anonymous / 10/21/2014 at 10:11pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

by youngboob / 10/21/2014 at 11:42am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

by Bad Dad / 10/19/2014 at 11:48pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

by how about never? / 10/19/2014 at 7:22am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I have to make a decision. I either drive my dad around during the day so he can drink, or I let him drink and drive so I can focus on studying for my exams. FML

by problems / 10/18/2014 at 11:03pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

by fizzie101 / 10/18/2014 at 5:43pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

by KayyElOh94 / 10/17/2014 at 6:30pm / United States / Kids

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

by facepalm / 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML

by badplacerightnow / 10/13/2014 at 10:15am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my son drank a bottle of hot sauce. It wasn't a dare, he actually thought that it would give him a fever so that he could skip school tomorrow. This idiot is 15 years old. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2014 at 8:38pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, my sister ran into my room unannounced while I was on webcam with a potential employer. Before I could react, she looked at my screen, said "Damn, he's fucking hot." and flashed him. FML

by justno / 06/28/2014 at 8:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I have to go on a 7-hour-bus ride sitting beside my ex-boyfriend's mother. We broke up because she told him to. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2013 at 12:04pm / United States / Love

Today, I was waitressing at work, when a woman decided to change her baby's nappy on a table. One moment I was asking her to leave, and the next, she was shoving a fully shat-out nappy into my hands. She asked me to get rid of it and fetch her baby wipes. FML

by aisbash / 09/01/2013 at 3:35pm / United States (California) / Work