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Emily303

Offline (the 11/06/2014 at 7:12am) | Search for a member

Emily303

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 12 September 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1631
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Emily303's page activity

Visits<b>Diesel_D</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 2:29am

Emily303's FML badges

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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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Emily303's favorite FMLs

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

#21283044
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33445) - you deserved it (3663)

On 10/22/2014 at 10:47am - animals - by MouserMan - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

#21282836
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32194) - you deserved it (3359)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm - work - by Australian Lifeguard - United States (Arizona)

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

#21282761
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31935) - you deserved it (3783)

On 10/21/2014 at 10:11pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

#21282365
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35644) - you deserved it (3134)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by youngboob (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

#21281464
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31696) - you deserved it (4325)

On 10/19/2014 at 11:48pm - kids - by Bad Dad - United States (Colorado)

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

#21280942
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34527) - you deserved it (4311)

On 10/19/2014 at 7:22am - kids - by how about never? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I have to make a decision. I either drive my dad around during the day so he can drink, or I let him drink and drive so I can focus on studying for my exams. FML

#21280767
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34867) - you deserved it (2509)

On 10/18/2014 at 11:03pm - misc - by problems - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

#21280577
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35827) - you deserved it (3419)

On 10/18/2014 at 5:43pm - intimacy - by fizzie101 - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

#21279992
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28927) - you deserved it (3071)

On 10/17/2014 at 6:30pm - kids - by KayyElOh94 - United States

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35551) - you deserved it (3732)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML

#21276832
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37727) - you deserved it (7247)

On 10/13/2014 at 10:15am - intimacy - by badplacerightnow (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my son drank a bottle of hot sauce. It wasn't a dare, he actually thought that it would give him a fever so that he could skip school tomorrow. This idiot is 15 years old. FML

#21276472
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35717) - you deserved it (4368)

On 10/12/2014 at 8:38pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my sister ran into my room unannounced while I was on webcam with a potential employer. Before I could react, she looked at my screen, said "Damn, he's fucking hot." and flashed him. FML

#21191852
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52079) - you deserved it (4732)

On 06/28/2014 at 8:26pm - work - by justno - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I have to go on a 7-hour-bus ride sitting beside my ex-boyfriend's mother. We broke up because she told him to. FML

#20912397
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45208) - you deserved it (2846)

On 10/08/2013 at 12:04pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was waitressing at work, when a woman decided to change her baby's nappy on a table. One moment I was asking her to leave, and the next, she was shoving a fully shat-out nappy into my hands. She asked me to get rid of it and fetch her baby wipes. FML

#20863302
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38277) - you deserved it (3200)

On 09/01/2013 at 3:35pm - work - by aisbash (woman) - United States (California)



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