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Ellamore's favorite FMLs
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
Today, I casually mentioned to my mom that my boyfriend of two years and I were thinking about moving in together. She looked me dead in the eye and said if I ever moved out, she'd throw me out of the house. I'm confused. FML
by Imafishyfishy / 03/27/2013 at 2:47am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
by fuckyoutoo / 03/24/2013 at 7:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by SierraDiaz2097 / 03/23/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Mississippi) / Love
by nraecher / 03/23/2013 at 12:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by sickness and health my sphincter / 03/22/2013 at 5:53pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous
by amberrenee91 / 03/18/2013 at 11:29pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by noooooooo / 03/17/2013 at 8:10pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML
by ShadowBox / 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I invited my long-lost best friend over, because I haven't seen her much since she got a new boyfriend. 20 minutes into hanging out, he showed up at my door. He still hasn't left, and they're having sex on my couch right now. FML
by kenleybunch / 03/12/2013 at 9:22am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by cremyfrozentreat / 03/10/2013 at 9:40am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, the guy in the dorm room next to me was playing very loud metal music. I went next door and kindly asked him to turn it off. He did, so I went back to my room to go back to sleep. It turns out he was using the music to drown out his girlfriend's very loud moans. FML
by ShittyWalls / 03/09/2013 at 8:35am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML
by Kiki / 03/08/2013 at 4:22pm / Poland (Malopolskie) / Love
Today, I was fired from my job for breaking my company's tattoo policy. I have a small scar on my wrist that roughly resembles a heart. My boss insists that it's one of those white ink tattoos. No one will believe me. FML
by crap / 03/07/2013 at 3:17am / United States / Work
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, returning home, I found my roommate trying one of my bras. When he saw my shocked face, the… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the…