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Ellamore's favorite FMLs
Today, I was driving and a cute guy was staring at me. Flattered, I smiled at him, but he didn't even react. I realized he wasn't admiring me he was admiring my truck. This is the 5th time this week. My truck gets more game than I do. FML
by Anonymous / 04/26/2013 at 10:50am / United States / Transportation
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in public. She happily said yes, and the surrounding crowd cheered for us. About 10 minutes later, after the excitement died down, she leaned over and quietly said, "Actually, I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint the crowd." FML
by Anonymous / 04/26/2013 at 5:17am / Love
by emma_waters23 / 04/25/2013 at 8:11pm / United States (California) / Animals
by Out from Hell / 04/22/2013 at 6:31pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML
by xx-look-at-xx / 04/12/2013 at 8:14pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2013 at 11:34am / United States / Intimacy
by InNeedOfFriends / 04/11/2013 at 8:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm / United States / Health
by confused / 04/07/2013 at 10:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
by Anonymous / 04/02/2013 at 6:30am / United States (Texas) / Work
by QuinnyZebrass / 04/02/2013 at 12:11am / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with lately. I thought everything was all well and good until he turned to me and said, "You know, your orgasm face kinda reminds me of Steve Martin, but in a good way." FML
by LadySteveMartin / 04/01/2013 at 8:18pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
Today, I nervously started a new job, and my co-workers were telling me silly rules about our boss. Later, I accidentally bumped into him, and blurted "Rule #7, don't touch George." He definitely heard. FML
by Anonymous / 03/29/2013 at 12:38am / United States / Work
by not funny but :( / 03/28/2013 at 12:24pm / United States (Ohio) / Holidays
Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML
by everyoneheard / 03/28/2013 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
- Today, my long-distance boyfriend told me that he was going to pee on me to "mark his territory."… Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I… Today, my boyfriend came onto me in a romantic gesture. We ended up having sex, forgetting that the…