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Ellamore's favorite FMLs
Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML
by vmml97 / 08/01/2013 at 12:32am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by RayneWolf13 / 07/31/2013 at 2:31am / United States (Arkansas) / Love
Today, I bought a device that plays a high-pitched sound to teach my dog to quit barking. She's smart enough to learn that as long as she barks loud enough and long enough, she can't hear it. Quite the opposite effect to what I was anticipating. FML
by Bug8Frog / 07/30/2013 at 2:42am / United States (Alaska) / Animals
by PrettyScared / 07/29/2013 at 11:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by ttREZZ / 07/27/2013 at 1:02am / United States (Indiana) / Love
by accountnamevalid / 07/21/2013 at 12:45am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation
Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML
by Dirty_Mind_69 / 07/20/2013 at 4:35am / United States (Louisiana) / Work
by imawesomeokay / 07/20/2013 at 1:53am / Mexico (Jalisco) / Transportation
by Erica / 07/08/2013 at 1:27pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML
by Anonymous / 07/06/2013 at 7:26am / United States / Love
Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML
by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went to the doctor to have my annual check-up. After the doctor made me waddle across the room towards him, hop on one foot for thirty seconds, and then lay on my stomach and do the worm, he finally said, "OK, that wasn't really part of the check-up. You're large on the hips. Lay off the Cheetos." FML
by Anonymous / 07/02/2013 at 7:16pm / United States (Georgia) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 11:09am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, the stalker flatmate who has been obsessed with me since I first moved into the flat two years ago, graduated. Apparently he told everyone we are an item, because his parents and relatives were smiling and taking pictures of me from their seats two rows ahead of mine at the ceremony. FML
by Trillian87 / 06/28/2013 at 6:28am / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous
by unknown relationship / 06/28/2013 at 1:23am / United States (Illinois) / Work
- Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and… Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes,… Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he…