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Elfmagic

Offline (the 10/29/2014 at 7:00pm) | Search for a member

Elfmagic

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  • Number of visits : 603
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Elfmagic's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of Elfmagic's badges

Elfmagic's favorite FMLs

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44297) - you deserved it (19870)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML

#20927127
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42581) - you deserved it (6343)

On 10/20/2013 at 2:21am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML

#20796252
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27303) - you deserved it (53984)

On 07/21/2013 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by MarkQ95 (man) - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend said she wanted to get a little crazy and try some role-play. "Act like you don't want it," she said. Without thinking, I replied, "Well, that should be easy." FML

#20790896
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29588) - you deserved it (50054)

On 07/18/2013 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by FootinMouth (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I discovered that when my husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend and his wife could have children, there was nothing "artificial" about the insemination. FML

#20762781
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64075) - you deserved it (5547)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:41am - intimacy - by OnPlanetVenus (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

#20762710
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45176) - you deserved it (8997)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by idk ask freud - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

#20759304
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43078) - you deserved it (20715)

On 07/02/2013 at 2:47am - intimacy - by lonely girl (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML

#20731650
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74387) - you deserved it (6774)

On 06/17/2013 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

#20711208
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55119) - you deserved it (64238)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML

#20706140
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84932) - you deserved it (8099)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by ._. (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML

#20553692
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49123) - you deserved it (11634)

On 03/21/2013 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by ldn (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, our dog jumped on the bed while my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closed while he continued banging me. FML

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

#20533607
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55819) - you deserved it (14649)

On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML

#20510302
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38644) - you deserved it (9277)

On 02/17/2013 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Notaplacetogo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

#20478275
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35001) - you deserved it (5938)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by great (man) - Puerto Rico



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