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El_Jefe99's FML badges
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El_Jefe99's favorite FMLs
by anon / 12/11/2014 at 8:43pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, my pet bunny died. My little sister is distraught and practically suicidal, because apparently she playfully pointed a wand at it a few days ago and said "avada kedavra". She's absolutely convinced that she killed it. FML
by Anonymous / 12/10/2014 at 2:58pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
by haileelouxxx / 08/22/2014 at 8:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Work
by blanknameisblank / 06/09/2014 at 3:36pm / United States (Georgia) / Health
by Ow / 04/18/2014 at 7:09am / United States (Arizona) / Health
Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML
by Confused / 04/16/2014 at 12:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by chocochoco / 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 3:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by shandrith / 07/03/2009 at 10:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
by FML.. / 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm / China (Hebei) / Intimacy
Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML
by StephD / 03/19/2009 at 11:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
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- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…