Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

EggThumbSalad

Search for a member

EggThumbSalad

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 27 November 1996 (17 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 145
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About EggThumbSalad : I am a huge PC gamer. Halo fan as well, Castle Crashers, Alien Hominoid, any other Xbox live arcade game you name it and I haven't played it... Just those two. I love Team Fortress 2 more than cookies. I suppose I'm a nerd, but I don't really think of myself that way... I think I'm quite normal, but I hate being serious. I love playing soccer as long as there isn't an annoying soccer coach yelling at me.

EggThumbSalad's page activity

Visits<b>Denny1</b> - the 03/19/2013 at 11:18pm<b>ohxnoxitsxaxhoex</b> - the 03/19/2013 at 11:05pm<b>martinez121797</b> - the 03/16/2013 at 12:24am<b>LovesSushi</b> - the 03/04/2013 at 3:27pm<b>Alycat6363</b> - the 03/02/2013 at 9:04pm<b>JackZ333</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 11:11pm

EggThumbSalad's FML badges

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

EggThumbSalad's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

#20566988
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20358) - you deserved it (51092)

On 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm - misc - by fuck you dad (man) - Ireland (Monaghan)

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79851) - you deserved it (8247)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

#20556322
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51482) - you deserved it (6245)

On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

#20532616
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40941) - you deserved it (3855)

On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States

Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML

#20528775
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30754) - you deserved it (3184)

On 03/02/2013 at 11:18pm - misc - by jkbeynon - United States (California)

Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML

#20523889
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27718) - you deserved it (3750)

On 02/26/2013 at 11:50pm - misc - by Jan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my son broke his hand when he and his best friend had the genius idea of punching each other in the fists as hard as they could. FML

#20520875
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27308) - you deserved it (3275)

On 02/24/2013 at 9:57pm - kids - by why the fuck would you do that - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML

#20452458
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31494) - you deserved it (2658)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm - kids - by Grant - United States

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

#20137874
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18460) - you deserved it (3594)

On 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm - work - by Medic - United States (Washington)

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

#20071956
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24034) - you deserved it (2792)

On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

#20068526
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44583) - you deserved it (3889)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML

#19603388
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19852) - you deserved it (1949)

On 05/10/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by Jesse (man) - United States (Washington)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: