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Effulgence

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Effulgence
  • Town/Country : Lakewood, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 95
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Effulgence's favorite FMLs

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40289) - you deserved it (13665)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

#21023350
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39938) - you deserved it (4701)

On 01/10/2014 at 6:15am - animals - by RaccoonFever - United States (California)

Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML

#21017330
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44857) - you deserved it (11663)

On 01/05/2014 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, at my job as a night janitor, at which I work alone, I saw an old man enter a bathroom. When I went to investigate, it was completely empty. I'm now scared to work. FML

#20987406
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51185) - you deserved it (2912)

On 12/10/2013 at 4:50am - work - by scared shitless (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML

#20977509
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39831) - you deserved it (4772)

On 12/01/2013 at 9:50pm - kids - by no she wasn't high - United States (Texas)

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

#20974086
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39223) - you deserved it (39478)

On 11/28/2013 at 9:05pm - misc - by OuchImAMoron (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out my 13-year-old daughter thinks the showerhead got her pregnant. FML

Today, I started my new job at a restaurant I really like. As I waited on my first customer, I suggested that he try the apple pie, because it's my favourite. He looked up at me and said, "Yeah? Figures! Lay off 'em, porky!" FML

#20891546
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40403) - you deserved it (4967)

On 09/22/2013 at 2:00pm - work - by -_- (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked out the girl who always looks and smiles at me in class. I was surprised when she rejected me until I found out she was actually always looking at the clock behind me, and smiling when class is almost over. FML

#20846650
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42928) - you deserved it (4249)

On 08/20/2013 at 5:37pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my apparently braindead and now ex-boyfriend asked me if "this period thing" is going to happen a lot, and said that if it is, "we're so done." FML

#20824199
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48506) - you deserved it (4235)

On 08/06/2013 at 5:55pm - love - by Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard (woman) - United States

Today, I lost my dog and so I put up 'lost' signs. As I was coming back home I noticed one had been written on. It said: "Found your dog. Keeping it". FML

#20556107
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45861) - you deserved it (2907)

On 03/23/2013 at 7:43am - animals - by Hurrikhan - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my roommate came out of the bathroom, and asked me how the scales knew her weight in both pounds and kilos, even though "the exchange rate is always changing." I actually live with this idiot. FML

Today, I was assigned to write a short story about what we imagine Earth to be like in 500 years, and daily conflicts people experience. My teacher loved it and read it aloud to the class. He asked for my inspiration, and I didn't have the heart to say that I ripped off Mass Effect 3. FML

Today, my soon-to-be stepson, 13, decided that he and I needed to spend "more quality time" together. His idea? We should start "bonding" by taking a bath together. When I said no, he told me I was being unfair, and that if I really loved him, I'd do it. FML

#19999925
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26117) - you deserved it (2017)

On 08/03/2012 at 4:21am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my 17-year-old daughter's friend told her that superglue works well as lip gloss. She tried it. FML

#19993820
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21982) - you deserved it (3829)

On 07/31/2012 at 1:36am - kids - by mcase - United States (California)



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