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Ebola's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 06/26/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Money
by postop / 06/25/2015 at 11:06pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, our 8-month-old son had a big cold and his nose was blocked. I couldn't find the baby nose pump in it's usual place, so I went to ask my husband. He had it in his hand, and was using to decorate the cake that was going to be served to tonight's guests, my parents. FML
by Anonyme / 06/25/2015 at 8:40pm / France (Bourgogne) / Kids
Today, I went to visit my mother after many years. Her hoarding has gotten so bad that now the house is entirely filled with junk and garbage, and she is camping out in the jungle of a backyard, cooking on a cauldron over a fire and shitting in the compost pile, with no working heat or water. FML
by childofcrazy / 06/25/2015 at 4:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad got so drunk that I had to drive him home. He kept yelling at me to not speed, saying I was going too fast and that there were too many bumps on the road. I hadn't even started the car yet. FML
by AnonymousZOMBIE / 06/25/2015 at 3:23pm / United States (Louisiana) / Transportation
Today, the new girl told me that a guy at the back of the class was being creepy. I looked over and saw him picking his nose and flinging boogers at the girls sitting in the front. That guy is my boyfriend. FML
by sweetsixteenyay / 06/25/2015 at 3:16pm / United Kingdom (Caerphilly) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/25/2015 at 2:29pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work
by ApparentlyBadDriver / 06/25/2015 at 6:10am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was complimented on my improved performance over the last 3 months. My boss said he doesn't know what I've done to improve, but to keep it up. I'd only started looking for another job, and stopped giving a shit. FML
by Anonymous / 06/25/2015 at 3:06am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/24/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was swimming my routine laps at the gym's pool and a man came in and swam in the adjacent lane. While swimming freestyle, I smelled a really nasty fart. Not a minute later, he hurriedly left. I didn't realize what he had done until I saw "floating particles" in the water. FML
by tantanpanda / 06/24/2015 at 8:44am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 06/23/2015 at 11:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my sister's wedding, she and I had a plan that she would purposely throw the bouquet to my girlfriend, then I would propose in front of everyone. When the bouquet landed in my girlfriend's lap, she screamed, "Ew, no way" and threw it to someone else. FML
by Anonymous / 06/23/2015 at 10:48pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, after all of the business cards for the car dealership that I work for were printed, the phone number was wrong, and the lady got so pissed about getting so many calls that she told them that they had won a free car. I had to tell dozens of ecstatic customers that they hadn't. FML
by Luke / 06/23/2015 at 6:37pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I left my dog in my car for 5 minutes while I ran into a store. The car was running so he was fine, the thing that wasn't so fine is that when I walked out my car wasn't there. My dog somehow moved my car into the middle of a intersection, almost causing an accident. FML
by ej6901 / 06/23/2015 at 4:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation