About Ebola : you don't want to know
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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Ebola's favorite FMLs
Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML
by godzilllla / 08/07/2015 at 9:59pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Gonzales / 08/07/2015 at 3:47pm / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Intimacy
by blow me / 08/07/2015 at 12:36pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health
Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, "Um... don't quit the day job, Rick." I'll never live this down. FML
by not telling you my name / 08/07/2015 at 11:16am / United States (Indiana) / Work
Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML
by argfarblewarblearble / 08/07/2015 at 9:49am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML
by horsefuck / 08/07/2015 at 8:51am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Intimacy
Today, I discovered my new step-dad has a rule about the shower. After three minutes, he turns the water off at the source. I had to beg him to turn it back on whilst covered in shampoo suds, and the only way I could get him to give me another minute was to forfeit my phone for the week. FML
by ruserious / 08/07/2015 at 7:24am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by clutzirella / 08/07/2015 at 2:32am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, I got fired from my part-time job, because I insisted on keeping my phone in my pocket and never using it, instead of putting it in locker without a lock or security camera, that anyone can go through. The manager found out by searching my locker for the past 3 weeks. Ironic. FML
by Chesty Larue / 08/06/2015 at 8:29pm / United States / Work
by Lilo4life / 08/06/2015 at 11:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 08/06/2015 at 4:33am / United States (California) / Work
by johobus28 / 08/05/2015 at 11:31pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by still single / 08/05/2015 at 9:22pm / Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul) / Love
Today, an older lady approached me at work and stroked my hair, telling me it was 'beautiful'. This isn't unusual, I'm a natural redhead and octogenarians especially seem to love the colour. However, the unusual part was the glob of snot she left in my hair from her unwashed hands. FML
by gingerwhinger / 08/05/2015 at 7:24pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Miscellaneous
by TheIVkindaruinsthemood / 08/05/2015 at 2:58pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…