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Ebola's favorite FMLs
Today, after working a double shift, I got home to total pandemonium. My dogs had crapped all over the house, my kitchen was soaking wet, etc. My mother, who just moved in with me, was sitting on the couch, saying she had no idea what happened. FML
by ArtemisRwill / 07/14/2015 at 4:16pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, an old friend and I reconnected. Everything was going fine until he threatened to visit me at work. I didn't know he knew my place of employment, so I replied, "Do you know where I live too?" He answered, "Would you hate me if I did?" FML
by kerripjones / 07/14/2015 at 3:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I went down a water slide. Halfway through, I got stuck behind some kids who were blocking the tube. Seconds later, a big-boned lady crashed into my back. Her solution to break the blockade was to start kicking my back repeatedly as hard as she could. The kids still wouldn't move. FML
by ow my kidneys / 07/14/2015 at 6:33am / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally got up the courage to quit my first job. I spent hours determining the most professional way; the method, and the wording I would use. In the middle of the phone call, my manager hung up on me. FML
by anniemonkat / 07/13/2015 at 2:22am / United States (Ohio) / Work
Today, my bosses were boasting about their work-funded retreat, including the $1,800 bottle of wine the company paid for. This would be fine if they hadn't just told me there are no funds to pay me for the work they've got me doing. We are also the biggest company in our industry. FML
by Wolfrunner87 / 07/13/2015 at 1:06am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
by Steve97 / 07/13/2015 at 12:15am / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/12/2015 at 10:21am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by annoyedgf / 07/11/2015 at 8:44am / Miscellaneous
by savannahsboxxx / 07/11/2015 at 8:09am / United States / Animals
by CoalRose / 07/11/2015 at 3:56am / United States / Animals
Today, my boss told me I wasn't getting the promotion I'd been angling for. I was so pissed off, I ranted to a coworker about it over lunch. Turns out my boss was just testing how I dealt with rejection before making his final decision. He overheard my rant and me calling him a Nazi bitch. FML
by Anonymous / 07/11/2015 at 2:13am / Australia / Work
by Anonymous / 07/11/2015 at 1:03am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
by Anonymous / 07/10/2015 at 10:42pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, while at my shitty, minimum wage job at McDonalds, a guy walked out of the bathroom. He said "Good luck in there." worriedly, then left. I don't know if it was his handiwork, but it looked like a shit grenade had detonated. It was even on the walls. FML
by don't get paid enough for this / 07/10/2015 at 10:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Work
Today, my wife was in seemingly never-ending labor. It got so bad, I overheard a nurse in the doorway mutter to a coworker that she hoped my baby would just die or something, so she could finally go take a smoke break. FML
by Anonymous / 07/10/2015 at 9:23pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids