About Ebola : you don't want to know
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Ebola's favorite FMLs
by fishingforubies2 / 07/24/2015 at 10:02am / Aruba / Work
by Ma_Nikka / 07/23/2015 at 3:00pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML
by Anonymous / 07/22/2015 at 4:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing me. I got so annoyed, I tried to swat it. Didn't go too well. I ended up losing control of my stream, soaking the guy beside me. He busted my face in. FML
by Anonypiss / 07/22/2015 at 12:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, while on my Dad's computer, I looked through the browser history to find the name of a website I'd visited on it the other day. I soon found out he watches a staggering amount of downright frightening incest porn. I'm disturbed on so many levels. FML
by Anonymous / 07/22/2015 at 7:52am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, a customer complained he never got his sandwich, even though I put it in the oven, dressed it up and served it to him. When I went to clear his table off, I saw the sandwich basket. We had to give him his money back. FML
by okay / 07/22/2015 at 12:58am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, while working security at my job, for the second time, a man with Down's Syndrome entered the store, went to one of the demo computers, opened YouTube, pulled up a video of oiled women wrestling and jerked off. There is no protocol in the handbook for how to deal with this scenario. FML
by Bishop423 / 07/22/2015 at 12:21am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by geek / 07/21/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, after hours of waiting in line, I finally met my favorite band. After posing for a picture, I looked at my phone to find that instead of taking a picture with me and the band, my friend took selfies. FML
by simply_meeeee / 07/20/2015 at 11:10am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by anonymous / 07/19/2015 at 9:23pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML
by Anonymous / 07/18/2015 at 1:00am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2015 at 1:14pm / United States (Florida) / Health
by yeah / 07/17/2015 at 10:59am / United States (Oregon) / Work
by battle1 / 07/17/2015 at 7:00am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I witnessed the most awful park job ever. Without thinking, I found a piece of paper and wrote on the back, "Nice park, asshole". Turns out it was an old airline boarding pass, and my name, address and phone number were neatly displayed with the message. FML
by Queensland / 07/17/2015 at 12:12am / Australia / Miscellaneous