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Ebola's favorite FMLs
Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML
by anon / 07/28/2015 at 1:02am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm / United States / Intimacy
by wot02 / 07/26/2015 at 10:02pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went to put a lasagna in the oven for dinner. I was greeted by a revolting scent of a chicken-soup and biscuits boxed dinner. The fridge apparently was too full for my brother to put it away inside, so he covered it up and forgot about it in the oven. We made that dinner two weeks ago. FML.
by Anonymous / 07/26/2015 at 6:43pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by rissa5214 / 07/26/2015 at 2:20pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, I went on a fabulous date with a really cute, smart, funny guy. He only mentioned his dad, so when I asked about his mom, I asked if they were divorced. She'd died of breast cancer so I felt awful. Then I asked if his dad had ever remarried. His stepmom had died of cancer too. FML
by lextoast / 07/26/2015 at 2:15pm / Rwanda / Love
Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced." and took a rain check on me. FML
by arch maester shavayalsharashion / 07/26/2015 at 1:29pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend called me and said she needs to take a break from our relationship. Why? Her really clingy ex is really depressed about her dating someone else and he isn't ready to accept it. So she wants to take a break "for his sake" until he's over her. FML
by Anonymous / 07/26/2015 at 12:36pm / Finland (Western Finland) / Love
by WhoLikesPie / 07/25/2015 at 11:51am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her a pregnancy test. After using it, we couldn't find how to tell if she was or wasn't pregnant. After about 10 minutes of waiting, Google searching, and tension, I realized I had bought an ovulation test. FML
by Mmm / 07/25/2015 at 6:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Sad Mom / 07/24/2015 at 10:04pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by KatzVKatz / 07/24/2015 at 5:51pm / Slovenia (Novo mesto Urban Commune) / Love
Today, as I was working at a bakery, a woman stormed in, cut in front of the line, and began yelling at me. She claimed I didn't give her a sandwich earlier and demanded a refund. She got the refund out of my paycheck, and as she was leaving she muttered, "Ha, works every time." FML
by jb100 / 07/24/2015 at 4:08pm / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML
by HAIL SITHIS / 07/24/2015 at 2:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by fuck / 07/24/2015 at 12:44pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy