About Ebola : you don't want to know
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Ebola's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/06/2015 at 2:59am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health
by Anonymous / 09/06/2015 at 1:38am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, the girl I like at work surprised me in the otherwise empty break room. She caught me taking part in what might as well have been the Ball-Scratching Olympics. I didn't notice she was behind me until she cleared her throat to get my attention. Shit. FML
by ballthlete / 09/06/2015 at 12:55am / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was visiting my grandmother at her retirement community. Bingo is really popular there and she loves it, so I went thinking it would be a fun activity for us. I won the jackpot and my car got keyed by a group of angry old people. FML
by earlytermination / 09/05/2015 at 11:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by _guy_j / 09/05/2015 at 11:11pm / United States (California) / Transportation
by ManderDander / 09/05/2015 at 2:48pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/05/2015 at 4:39am / United Kingdom / Health
Today, my psycho cat stood on my toilet seat and challenged me to a stand-off. After 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any more and asked to use my neighbor's bathroom instead. I told him my toilet was broken. FML
by I'm a pussy, yeah yeah / 09/05/2015 at 1:56am / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 09/05/2015 at 12:58am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by occam's pube-razor / 09/05/2015 at 12:26am / United States (Virginia) / Transportation
Today, a phone I bought online turned up while I was at work. The delivery guy left a note saying he'd left the package with my neighbor at #10. When I went and knocked on the door and asked for the package, my neighbor said "Nope, nothing delivered here." and quickly shut the door in my face. FML
by Anonymous / 09/04/2015 at 11:53pm / United States (California) / Money
Today, my boss called me to say that I've been slow at work this week and that I will be replaced if I don't pick up the pace. That would be understandable, if I didn't have a broken ankle and pneumonia. FML
by Anonymous / 09/04/2015 at 5:56pm / United States (California) / Work
by siddance / 09/04/2015 at 2:08pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML
by brittsters / 09/04/2015 at 1:46pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I showed my daughter video footage from a security camera that showed her using her employee key to enter the store I own, disarming the alarm, and stealing several very valuable items. Her defense? That someone had "photoshopped" the video. We'll see how that goes down in court. FML
by Anonymous / 09/04/2015 at 1:01pm / United States (California) / Money