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Ebola's favorite FMLs
by NoFunForMe / 08/31/2015 at 12:27pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Transportation
by FuckThis / 08/31/2015 at 9:16am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy
Today, while babysitting, I made the kids and myself peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When their parents came home, their dad took out the same container of peanut butter I had used and let their dog lick out of it. FML
by anon / 08/30/2015 at 2:44pm / United States / Animals
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
by Anonymous / 08/30/2015 at 11:44am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I met my fiancé's much older sister for the first time. Turns out she is actually my old high school English teacher who used to make me cry at least 3 times a week. It's been three hours and I've accidentally called her Miss Willow 4 times and been reduced to tears twice. FML
by Alice / 08/30/2015 at 8:13am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML
by monkeywrench / 08/30/2015 at 7:29am / Sweden / Health
Today, at work, one of the elderly residents dropped a turd on the floor. I went to go get the nurse but couldn't find her. Upon returning to the scene, another resident picked it up and placed it in my hand, thinking it was mud. Now my nickname at work is 'Nugget'. FML
by anon / 08/30/2015 at 2:20am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, my family was cleaning out our basement when I noticed an empty wall. I asked my grandma if I could put a picture up. She replied, "I don't want your ugly drawings on the wall". I wasn't talking about my drawings. FML
by Failed Artist / 08/30/2015 at 12:49am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom saw a picture of the moon and asked me what "those big spots" were. She actually thought the craters were continents and tried correcting me when I told her what they were. Then I almost got into trouble for being disrespectful. FML
by bornfromhillbillies / 08/29/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 8:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 7:01pm / United States (West Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML
by babypenguin00 / 08/29/2015 at 3:20pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by Lord Buttfuck IV / 08/29/2015 at 10:06am / France / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 7:28am / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 4:50am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health