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Ebola's favorite FMLs
by whovian221b / 08/25/2015 at 6:46pm / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 3:54pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, a fifth grader gave me a note from his "father" excusing him from PE. It was riddled with spelling errors and shockingly poor grammar, so I rejected it as a blatant fake. Several hours later, I was informed by his very angry father that it wasn't actually fake. FML
by shit.jpg / 08/25/2015 at 3:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 2:31pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, my cousin's husband argued adamantly that the Earth doesn't rotate, and treated me like an idiot when I explained why he was wrong. Not even a video from space of the Earth rotating convinced him. This idiot is a teacher. FML
by Schizomaniac / 08/25/2015 at 1:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML
by Anon / 08/25/2015 at 6:10am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 2:49am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 1:51am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I spent an hour trying to sleep before work, but I couldn't because my two dogs wouldn't stop barking. Completely pissed off, I finally went and told the little fuck nuggets to shut the shit up. I was then immediately knocked unconscious by the burglar in my house. FML
by SilentSin / 08/24/2015 at 10:02pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, I got stuck in the elevator at work. When I was finally let out, my boss decided I shouldn't get a lunch break, because I'd already had over an hour off work while in the elevator. I had to starve through 5 more hours of work. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2015 at 5:28pm / Italy (Liguria) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/24/2015 at 2:08pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was at my summer babysitting job. The family's dog puked on the carpet and I proceeded to clean it up with baking soda and a mix of water/vinegar. Instead of blending in with the other areas of the carpet, the one spot I cleaned is white while the other areas are still darkened by filth. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2015 at 1:32pm / United States / Work
by pontwa / 08/23/2015 at 9:45am / Australia / Love
Today, I told my friend about a fight I had earlier with my girlfriend. He thought it'd be funny to use my phone while I was in the bathroom and text her "ure such a cunt". She wouldn't believe the truth, even when my friend confessed to her. She thought I paid him to take the fall. FML
by dumped / 08/23/2015 at 6:22am / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I came home from a stay at my girlfriend's place. My little brother stepped on my bag and accidentally switched my vibrator on. I told him the buzzing sound was my electric toothbrush. He went to the bathroom and came back with the toothbrush. He won't stop asking what's in my bag. FML
by dannidoll93 / 08/22/2015 at 10:59am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Intimacy