About Ebola : you don't want to know
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Ebola's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/05/2015 at 4:39am / United Kingdom / Health
Today, my psycho cat stood on my toilet seat and challenged me to a stand-off. After 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any more and asked to use my neighbor's bathroom instead. I told him my toilet was broken. FML
by I'm a pussy, yeah yeah / 09/05/2015 at 1:56am / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 09/05/2015 at 12:58am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by occam's pube-razor / 09/05/2015 at 12:26am / United States (Virginia) / Transportation
Today, a phone I bought online turned up while I was at work. The delivery guy left a note saying he'd left the package with my neighbor at #10. When I went and knocked on the door and asked for the package, my neighbor said "Nope, nothing delivered here." and quickly shut the door in my face. FML
by Anonymous / 09/04/2015 at 11:53pm / United States (California) / Money
Today, my boss called me to say that I've been slow at work this week and that I will be replaced if I don't pick up the pace. That would be understandable, if I didn't have a broken ankle and pneumonia. FML
by Anonymous / 09/04/2015 at 5:56pm / United States (California) / Work
by siddance / 09/04/2015 at 2:08pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML
by brittsters / 09/04/2015 at 1:46pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I showed my daughter video footage from a security camera that showed her using her employee key to enter the store I own, disarming the alarm, and stealing several very valuable items. Her defense? That someone had "photoshopped" the video. We'll see how that goes down in court. FML
by Anonymous / 09/04/2015 at 1:01pm / United States (California) / Money
by FML / 09/04/2015 at 12:27pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by ACCCHHHOOOO!!!!!!!!! -_- / 09/04/2015 at 11:48am / United States (Maryland) / Health
Today, my boyfriend thinks he's discovered a big conspiracy by dentists to sell toothpaste. He's arguing that nobody needs to brush their teeth, ever, because all the "new plaque" from food will dissolve the "old plaque", and the only thing he needs to use is breath spray. FML
by Anonymous / 09/04/2015 at 10:54am / Portugal (Lisboa) / Miscellaneous
Today, I met my Canadian friend at the airport. As we were heading into the city, I told him not to worry about all the US stereotypes and that gun crime in my city is rare. A few hours later, we witnessed a guy get shot in the street in broad daylight. Now he's too scared to leave the house. FML
by fuckyoudeadgunnuts / 09/04/2015 at 10:30am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting ready to go out with my family. As I was putting my phone in my purse, my father told me I wouldn't need it because we were going to spend 'quality time' together. The entire time I was there, everyone was staring at their phone. I was the only one without one. FML
by idk / 09/04/2015 at 10:15am / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Miscellaneous