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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Ebola's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 10:29am / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 9:45am / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, I went to my cousin's house. I left my bag on the couch as my aunt instructed, only for my cousin to take it and throw it into the swimming pool. My laptop, textbooks and notes were soaked. My exam is in a week, and my aunt won't punish her perfect little angel. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 9:21am / United States (Missouri) / Kids
Today, I got into a minor argument with my fiancé. Deciding it wasn't worth fighting over, I shrugged and said, "Really, what are we even doing this for?" To which he replied, "Honestly, I don't know. I haven't loved you in years… Oh, you meant about the fight." And just like that, I'm now single. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 8:41am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my mom and dad went to court to negotiate child support for me and my brothers. During the meeting, my dad was asked, "Sir, are you saying that the only reason you want your sons to live with you full time is so you don't have to pay child support?" To which he responded, "Yes." FML
by vanillapudding6 / 10/13/2015 at 9:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/13/2015 at 3:35am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, in class I was teaching 6 year olds about the difference between short and tall, and I asked them how they could see that I was shorter than the other teacher. One of them raised their hand and said it was because I'm fatter. FML
by lemonchips / 10/12/2015 at 5:28pm / Norway / Kids
Today, my best friend told me how his batshit insane girlfriend keeps questioning his sexuality and thinks we're screwing behind her back. He's so desperate for a relationship that he's decided to stop hanging out with me. Goodbye 7 years of friendship. FML
by Anonymous / 10/12/2015 at 10:29am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous
Today, a woman at work told me that her kid had puked into "a storage bin" in the office. It wasn't a storage bin, it was the outgoing mail tray on the side of my desk containing important contract documents that had to be posted by 5pm that day. FML
by Anonymous / 10/12/2015 at 5:18am / United Kingdom / Work
Today, I awoke to the sound of my neighbor's attacking my car with a baseball bat accusing me of calling the cops on them. I did call the cops on them, after they screamed at me last night, drunkenly, to call the cops for them because they thought they were being robbed. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2015 at 11:34am / United States (Kentucky) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 10/11/2015 at 9:25am / United States (Indiana) / Love
Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML
by Hank-T4 / 10/11/2015 at 7:45am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, my son told me that he doesn't need to go to school because he doesn't need a job. It turns out he plans to get a life sentence in prison and live the rest of his life at the taxpayers' expense. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2015 at 12:20am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, I realized that my two year old likes to help with the groceries. And by help I mean hide a bag of chicken. It's been two weeks since I went grocery shopping and I still can't find it, but it smells like something died in my house. FML
by Scarred4Life / 10/10/2015 at 11:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous