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Ebola's favorite FMLs
Today, while in the airport waiting to board, I got the sudden urge to pee, so I ran to the bathroom feeling like my bladder was about to burst. I was so focused on relieving my bladder that I failed to notice the diarrhea covering the toilet seat and the wall behind it until I was sitting in it. FML
by sarahrachel / 12/14/2015 at 10:30pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
by Haitwun / 12/14/2015 at 2:29am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was volunteering at a gift-wrapping booth to raise money for autism, and helping others takes my mind off the fact that my mom died at Christmas. While carefully wrapping a present, offering bows, ribbons, and a gift tag, a snobby bitch said to me, "You're not doing a very good job." FML
by Anonymous / 12/13/2015 at 10:23pm / United States (New York) / Work
by Anonymous / 12/13/2015 at 6:47am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, the small plane I was on almost crashed, all because the pilot's girlfriend figured out mid-flight that he's been cheating on her, causing her to start screaming abuse and furiously beating him. FML
by Anonymous / 12/12/2015 at 12:32am / United States (New York) / Transportation
Today, I was given the following pearls of wisdom: "My grandmother always told me, if you've got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. Anyway, she was a cunt and so are you." Thanks, dad. Thanks. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2015 at 11:54pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried buying alcohol for the first time. I have a baby face, so I had my ID ready. The store owner admitted that my ID looked real enough, but he wouldn't believe it wasn't just an elaborate fake. He very nearly called the cops on me. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2015 at 11:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had my first job interview in months. The guy chuckled mockingly at my master's degree in philosophy and wound up admitting that he had no idea why I'd even been selected to be interviewed. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2015 at 2:16pm / United States (Iowa) / Work
Today, the bladder infection I thought I was over flared up at work, causing me to piss myself, despite having gone twice in the previous hour. I still had to finish my shift, soaked pants and all. FML
by PissyPuss / 12/10/2015 at 4:38pm / United States / Work
Today, I had been stress-eating a lot of junk food during finals week at college. I was feeling worried about my figure, and lifted up my shirt to see myself in the mirror. My boyfriend, who I didn't know was watching, promptly said, "Whoa babe, it looks like the condom broke!" FML
by pregnantapparently / 12/10/2015 at 1:45pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, my ex, for whom I still have feelings, introduced me to his new girlfriend. To make things "less awkward," he invited a mutual friend of ours. However, the last time I'd seen this friend, it was a week after my ex and I had broke up, and we hooked up. Awkward doesn't cover it. FML
by neverleavingthehouseagain / 12/08/2015 at 6:08pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Love
by *sigh* / 12/08/2015 at 5:56pm / United Kingdom / Money
by alexa / 12/08/2015 at 12:14pm / Germany (Bayern) / Love
Today, I found out my husband pretends to be a young, bisexual woman online. As if that isn't bad enough, he flipped out and didn't believe me when I told him the other "young, bisexual women" he's been beating it to are probably middle-aged men too. FML
by Anonymous / 12/08/2015 at 11:46am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous