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Ebola's favorite FMLs
Today, my coworker brought her 3-year-old son to work with her. When introducing him to me, she dropped her bag and bent over to pick it up, knocking him over with her butt in the process. When she stood up, she noticed he was sitting on the ground crying. She then accused me of pushing him over. FML
by Notakidpusher / 11/23/2015 at 10:34pm / United States (California) / Work
by ugh, why / 11/22/2015 at 12:12am / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML
by angelisa / 11/21/2015 at 9:54am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 7:44am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy
by same / 11/21/2015 at 1:39am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I found out my coworker was arrested for beating the crap out of his wife. I gave him a serious pep talk yesterday where I told him to stop taking her shit and start standing up for himself. FML
by Anonymous / 11/20/2015 at 2:27pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/20/2015 at 9:43am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my friend and I were having a casual discussion about sex. Blowjobs came up and my friend said she'd never dared to give one, arguing that swallowing sperm can make you pregnant. I then had to go on with a 30 minute argument with her on how that's not possible. She's 26. FML
by LilPie / 11/19/2015 at 5:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by Secret Isis supporter / 11/18/2015 at 7:52pm / United States (California) / Work
by strawberry / 11/17/2015 at 12:51pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the bowling alley. I have short, stubby fingers, and as I looked for a bowling ball that would fit my hand properly, an old man watched me searching, and approached asking, "Is that how you are with women? Fingering them, tossing them in the gutter, and looking for another?" FML
by weldingmachine217 / 11/16/2015 at 4:47pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML
by ScreweD- / 11/16/2015 at 4:39pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was floating on a river with some friends when I accidentally splashed one of their girlfriends in the face. She started crying and everyone gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the trip. We are all 26 years old. FML
by nightwalker2253 / 11/16/2015 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner / 11/16/2015 at 1:44am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by deadbeatdad / 11/15/2015 at 5:35pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…