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Ebola's favorite FMLs
Today, at my job drug testing high schoolers, I see that one of the kids selected for the testing looked incredibly high. So, after he goes in the bathroom and gives me his cup with his urine inside, I take a closer look and see that the little shit jizzed in the cup. I hate my job. FML
by zachhewett / 02/02/2016 at 5:53pm / United States (Alabama) / Work
Today, I was at the gym. At the end of my workout, I realised I lost the bundle of keys I had in my pocket that contained the key to my locker with all my stuff. I panic and start looking for them. After an hour of desperate searching, I find them thrown in the bottom of the public toilet. Thanks. FML
by oh, shit...... / 02/02/2016 at 3:27pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous
Today, I visited my 90-year-old great-grandmother and her boyfriend. This wouldn't be a problem, if this boyfriend wasn't different than the one she had yesterday. She told me not to tell him about "the other one". FML
by anon / 02/01/2016 at 11:37am / United States / Love
by notsoproudfather / 02/01/2016 at 10:54am / India (Maharashtra) / Kids
Today, my parents have deliberately ruined my last 2 relationships, because they want me to get back together with my ex simply because he is my son's dad. Apparently, my son needs his father more than I need a man who won't beat me every time he gets drunk. FML
by anon / 01/31/2016 at 4:38pm / United States / Work
Today, my grandmother yet again asked where my grandfather is. She refuses to believe us when we tell her that he passed away 6 years ago. She always insists that he's out cheating on her and accuses us of lying to cover his arse. FML
by Anonymous / 01/31/2016 at 7:11am / United Kingdom (Torfaen) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/31/2016 at 4:33am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by onlyjuggalos / 01/31/2016 at 3:13am / United States / Work
by Xandriajoy10 / 01/30/2016 at 10:44pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/30/2016 at 4:54pm / Miscellaneous
by gingerlover01 / 01/30/2016 at 10:57am / United States / Health
by :/ / 01/30/2016 at 2:45am / United States (Arizona) / Money
Today, I called the cops on my elderly neighbor for blaring loud war music yet again. They chatted and laughed with him on his lawn for a good half hour. As they left, he slapped the female officer's ass, only for her to just giggle about it. After they drove off, he fired up his music again. FML
by Anonymous / 01/30/2016 at 12:07am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got let go from my job, because my personal cell phone doesn't always have signal, so I missed an important call from work. My contract specifically said I'd get a work phone, which never happened. FML
by Anonymous / 01/29/2016 at 10:54am / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/28/2016 at 11:26am / United Kingdom / Health
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…