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Ebola's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. After he finished his long-winded speech, I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games. It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked, and a couple more for me to be shouted down and kicked out. FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2014 at 12:24pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally found out why my husband is always so eager and happy to buy me whatever I am craving during my pregnancy. It's because it gives him an excuse to meet up with his mistress and have a quickie. FML
by Anonymous / 11/07/2014 at 6:59pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy
by dwood08 / 11/06/2014 at 8:55pm / United States (New York) / Animals
by really / 11/06/2014 at 7:30pm / United States / Love
Today, I spent over $2,000 on a big flatscreen TV. My dad insisted I let him mount it on the wall instead of paying someone to do it. All seemed fine, until the TV came loose and smashed onto the floor. My dad refuses to accept responsibility, and says I should've had a professional install it instead. FML
by Anonymou$ / 11/06/2014 at 6:37pm / United States (Alabama) / Money
Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML
by notsofriendly / 11/06/2014 at 3:15pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/06/2014 at 12:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Purple / 11/05/2014 at 8:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned that the blisters that popped up this morning on my hands and feet are a result of a virus that takes two weeks to fully heal. After I told my roommates to be careful, one of them decided that NOW was a good time to tell us she had it last week. FML
by Anonymous / 11/05/2014 at 5:52pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML
by aineroo / 11/05/2014 at 4:25pm / Ireland (Galway) / Miscellaneous
Today, I burned my hand while making breakfast. As I staggered around the kitchen in agony, looking for some burn cream, my cat figured he'd latch onto said hand and drag his claws through the burn. FML
by misfitunfit / 11/05/2014 at 10:58am / United States / Animals
Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML
by AAnonymous / 11/05/2014 at 8:57am / United States (Utah) / Health
Today, I looked at my twelve-year-old daughter's test. One of the question was, "When is a good time to worry about your parents?" Her answer was, "When they take selfies, because selfies aren't made for old people." FML
by The Selfie Parent / 11/04/2014 at 4:48pm / Canada (Newfoundland) / Kids
by TonyTalkingClock / 11/04/2014 at 7:48am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous