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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Ebola's favorite FMLs
by heymacie / 02/19/2015 at 12:45am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, while working at my salon, I was cutting an older gentleman's hair. When he got up to leave, everyone noticed he had clearly pissed his pants. I felt bad for him until he laughed and said, "Here's your tip, have fun cleaning that up." FML
by breyn / 02/18/2015 at 2:48pm / United States / Work
Today, I tried to blackmail my douchebag boss for a raise, since I had ample proof that he's screwing a co-worker. Turns out he and his wife are in an open relationship, and HR doesn't give a damn about office romances. Now I have to quit or deal with the most hostile work environment ever. FML
by Anonymous / 02/18/2015 at 1:06pm / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Work
by whateven333 / 02/17/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. Not an hour later, I walked in on my sister giving him a handjob in her room. And what's worse, my first reaction was just to wonder why he'd bother cheating on me for just a handjob. FML
by Anonymous / 02/17/2015 at 2:17pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I've been freezing in my office for days at work. When I finally complained about it to a coworker, she led me into my office, said, "Let me show you something," then pointed out the thermostat I'd never noticed was even there and turned it up with a pitying look. FML
Today, I was talking to my best friend's brother after we drunkenly hooked up last night. I've had a crush on him for over a year. He ended up interrupting himself and said, "Please don't tell anyone about this. I don't want anyone to think we're dating or anything." FML
by foreveralone / 02/17/2015 at 10:48am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by cactii / 02/16/2015 at 3:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while talking with my ex, I mentioned I was depressed about turning 40. He said he'd been depressed about turning 40 as well, until he started screwing hot 20-somethings. We were still together when he turned 40. FML
by notdaddy / 02/16/2015 at 11:39am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, after 3 hours of sleep, I had to rush to my grandmother's house because she fell and couldn't get up. An embarrassed, half-naked old lady, a very wet rug, an ambulance and a trip to the hospital later, and she still refuses to use her cane and walker. I hope I'm not this stubborn when I'm old. FML
by CatLady4Lyf / 02/16/2015 at 9:22am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
Today, a police car hit my parked vehicle, likely due to icy road conditions. When the officer came over to talk to me, I assumed it was to give me his insurance information. Nope. It was to give me a ticket for 'impeding a police officer'. My car was in my driveway. FML
by Anonymous / 02/16/2015 at 1:01am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/15/2015 at 10:25pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, while working at Subway I joked with a customer asking him if he was going to order in Spanish. The women in front of him began yelling about how I was being racist and told my manager that I needed to be fired. The customer I was joking with was my Spanish teacher. FML
by anonymous / 02/15/2015 at 5:39pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML
by Anonymous / 02/15/2015 at 12:57pm / Denmark / Miscellaneous
Today, once again I tried to convince my dad to stop smoking. And once again, while I was speaking, he lit up a cigarette and smoked until my asthma flared up and I was wheezing so hard that I had to leave the room. FML