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E_breaker
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E_breaker's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

#13634114
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25337) - you deserved it (6126)

On 10/29/2010 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Taylor parsons - United States (Alabama)

Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for 6 years. Things got heated when we got back to his place, but he had trouble getting the condom on. As soon he got it on, he came. I told him it was ok, I'd help him get hard again. He said, "No thanks. I'm good." FML

#13601704
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30682) - you deserved it (3670)

On 10/26/2010 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by Deidle-dee - United States

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

#13432700
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18186) - you deserved it (5934)

On 10/13/2010 at 10:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

#13432324
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32665) - you deserved it (19792)

On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)

Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the channel manually on it, and the channel it's stuck on is currently playing an infomercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump. I've been watching this for an hour now. I'm a female, and I'm beginning to feel like I need this product. FML

#13403987
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24332) - you deserved it (8264)

On 10/11/2010 at 6:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after my marching band's performance, the girls had to change out of our uniforms in a very dark school bathroom. Someone turned on the lights and I realized that more than a dozen roaches had crawled into my skinny jeans. FML

#13389421
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28249) - you deserved it (2726)

On 10/10/2010 at 4:45am - misc - by toazt - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had a wet dream about having sexual relations with a rubber duck. FML

#13373695
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27356) - you deserved it (8523)

On 10/09/2010 at 1:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, after me and my boyfriend had pretty much amazing sex, he took off the condom and started swinging it back and forth, all while making the sounds of a clock and saying, "You are getting sleepy." FML

#13363773
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22336) - you deserved it (4875)

On 10/08/2010 at 8:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I asked my girlfriend's father if I could marry his daughter. He smiled, shook my hand, and said "No, now get out of my house." FML

#13353894
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36772) - you deserved it (4004)

On 10/07/2010 at 10:26am - love - by Vinny1017 - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML

#13351667
415 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42290) - you deserved it (13767)

On 10/07/2010 at 2:29am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was working on my family genealogy. I found out that my best friend's great-grandfather murdered my great-grandfather. FML

#13337964
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34910) - you deserved it (3289)

On 10/06/2010 at 12:32am - misc - by cantstoplaughing (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML

#13295050
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22120) - you deserved it (6789)

On 10/02/2010 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML

#13291298
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24970) - you deserved it (3605)

On 10/02/2010 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by seriously (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the beach with my parents. They were walking hand in hand, when they spotted a crab. My Dad turned to my Mum and said "Oh, must've crawled out of my pubes!" they both laughed and kissed. I don't think they realized I was within hearing distance. FML

#13287262
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25874) - you deserved it (2895)

On 10/02/2010 at 9:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I attempted to be nice and hold a door open for a person in a wheelchair. He hit the button to open another door. While I pointed out that I would hold the door for him, I realized that the door I was holding open for him led down some stairs. FML

#13227031
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8900) - you deserved it (29417)

On 09/27/2010 at 8:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Iowa)



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