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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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ELR2435

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ELR2435
  • Town/Country : north royalton, usa
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 370
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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ELR2435's favorite FMLs

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

#1631197 (150)

I agree, your life sucks (20323) - you deserved it (53308)

On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I started fixing my hair and unbuttoning a couple of buttons on my shirt, hoping the policeman would let me off with a warning. When he got to the car, he rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. I saw him walk back to the cop car gagging. FML

#1316192 (277)

I agree, your life sucks (8464) - you deserved it (55695)

On 04/25/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

#1250407 (112)

I agree, your life sucks (44677) - you deserved it (7553)

On 04/23/2009 at 6:45am - misc - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly "you need to work on that". We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said "you need to work on not farting in your sleep". FML

#1222534 (183)

I agree, your life sucks (17108) - you deserved it (61637)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:46pm - intimacy - by Screwed (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML

#1216393 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (43481) - you deserved it (6426)

On 04/22/2009 at 6:40am - animals - by fencernick (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my shower is being renovated so I decided to wash my hair in the kitchen sink. I put my two year old son on the counter next to me so I could keep him close. As I was rinsing out my hair, my son started playing with the light switches. He flicked the garbage disposal on accident. FML

#1206397 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (56920) - you deserved it (18563)

On 04/21/2009 at 8:12pm - kids - by hairball (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was taking a shower after a run. We were under a tornado watch, and I halfway through the lights dimmed and I heard the tell-tale "train" sound. Panicked, I bolted wet and naked for the basement, crashing into my mom as I flew out the door. The sound was just her new vacuuming. FML

#1194699 (138)

I agree, your life sucks (36178) - you deserved it (9515)

On 04/21/2009 at 3:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was babysitting a 5-year-old girl and we were coloring. She made me a card that was very sweet, so I smiled. She looked at me and went "Don't smile, your smile is really scary." FML

#1119408 (78)

I agree, your life sucks (42305) - you deserved it (3490)

On 04/19/2009 at 2:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was hanging out with some disabled people at the day-centre where I work. We had the music blasting and were laughing and dancing around. My boss took me aside and said that it wasn't really appropriate for me to mock the clients by imitating their dancing. That's just how I dance. FML

#1103682 (53)

I agree, your life sucks (51783) - you deserved it (3709)

On 04/18/2009 at 11:34pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand

Today, I bought a brand new flat screen TV. When I brought it home it didn't work. Furious, I walked into Best Buy and yelled at a guy in a tucked in blue polo and khakis. I asked him why it didn't work and he said he didn't know. I kept screaming. He didn't have a nametag. He didn't work there. FML

#1101827 (284)

I agree, your life sucks (8176) - you deserved it (83299)

On 04/18/2009 at 10:44pm - misc - by asdfghjkl (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I wake up, switch on TV and the first thing I see is the picture of a wanted rapist who looks just like me. I’m afraid to leave home. FML

#8 (205)

I agree, your life sucks (170533) - you deserved it (14291)

On 10/13/2008 at 4:20am - misc - by mehdi-online -