About EG14 : Hey bro! Here's info about me since you might be interested. After all, you must be just a lil curious since you're reading this, right? No? Okay… weirdo.
•I get distracted and sometimes say stupid things. What human doesn't?
•You can keep your Ke$ha, Eminem, and LMFAO to yourself. I'm gonna stick with my Three Days Grace, Avenged Sevenfold, and Five Finger Death Punch.
•I like laser tag and nerf wars. Makes me feel badass, and I think we all need to feel a lil badass every once in a while, cause, bro, it's life. We need to let loose and enjoy it the best we can.
And that's all I'm sharing. Don't message me cause I use my iPod Touch and the app doesn't let me do that. Anyways, have an epic day!
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29622) - you deserved it (2075)
On 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17999) - you deserved it (5169)
On 07/27/2012 at 3:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Ostfold)
Today, everyone found out about the strange but intense fetish I have for women physically lifting me. It all came out when my friend, a female bodybuilder, decided to grab and pick me up for a laugh. I came in my pants, in front of about twenty people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30188) - you deserved it (6967)
On 07/25/2012 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, while bussing at my restaurant job, I felt a cold, wet animal slither down my leg. I started shrieking loudly and dancing dementedly to get it off, and everyone in the restaurant turned to stare. Then I realized there was a hole in my pocket and some quarters had slid out down my leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14199) - you deserved it (5009)
On 07/23/2012 at 11:41am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was brushing my teeth when I looked up. There was a huge scorpion dangling on the air vent above my head. I was trapped in the bathroom for over an hour trying to build the courage to run out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15019) - you deserved it (4280)
On 07/08/2012 at 5:47am - animals - by scorpionsurviver - United States
Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16495) - you deserved it (4285)
On 06/20/2012 at 10:09am - animals - by anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, my sister called me and asked if my boyfriend of 3 years had proposed to me yet. And now the surprise is ruined. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24741) - you deserved it (1848)
On 06/16/2012 at 9:57am - love - by anonymous - United States
Today, I found out that my wife and two teenage daughters' periods are all one week after the other. I am living in hell almost every single day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27789) - you deserved it (3480)
On 06/14/2012 at 10:54am - misc - by anonymous - China (Jiangsu)
Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18182) - you deserved it (2621)
On 06/01/2012 at 5:08pm - misc - by kay (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, I had so much to do, I didn't know where to start. So I didn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9202) - you deserved it (29290)
On 06/01/2012 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous - Austria (Wien)
Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33522) - you deserved it (2675)
On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon
Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4519) - you deserved it (23418)
On 03/28/2012 at 2:57am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4279) - you deserved it (41388)
On 03/27/2012 at 10:38pm - misc - by Brittany (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at the park with my friends. We were all having fun on the swings, when out of nowhere I heard a thud, followed by a child crying. Turns out I accidentally kicked him in the head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17256) - you deserved it (5214)
On 03/19/2012 at 4:18pm - kids - by Evelyn - United States
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20581) - you deserved it (3267)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)
Friday 24 May 2013
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