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Duceswild99

Offline (the 05/15/2014 at 11:54pm) | Search for a member

Duceswild99

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 10 March 1988 (26 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1494
  • Number of comments : 40
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Duceswild99 : Nothing to share

Duceswild99's page activity

Visits<b>AngryRussianGuy</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 1:17pm<b>mikky8484</b> - the 07/10/2013 at 11:27am<b>gmc_blossom</b> - the 01/19/2013 at 7:45pm<b>sow_ay</b> - the 09/30/2012 at 6:13am

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Duceswild99's favorite FMLs

Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML

#21094457
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40100) - you deserved it (4069)

On 03/23/2014 at 4:25pm - love - by doesn't fuck on the first, thank god (woman) - United Kingdom (Southend-on-Sea)

Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML

#21093670
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38327) - you deserved it (10031)

On 03/22/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by campus pussy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I were arguing about him not communicating anymore. Instead of talking to me about it, he messages my mom to say, "I'm not mentally strong enough to handle her anymore." FML

#20996890
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37798) - you deserved it (5050)

On 12/18/2013 at 11:44am - love - by Iloverainbows10 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML

#20987856
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49909) - you deserved it (9728)

On 12/10/2013 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my neighbor brought a ruined napkin holder over and claimed that we drilled a hole through his wall and ruined it. I apologized, not telling him that it was actually a bullet that my boyfriend shot through the wall. FML

#20974338
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22569) - you deserved it (35835)

On 11/29/2013 at 12:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, everything that was beautiful and pure in my life turned into a terrible, warped version of what it once was. Today, I lost all hope, and no longer believe that life, although sometimes shitty, is sweet and worth living. Today, I met my mother-in-law. FML

#20949272
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51057) - you deserved it (5305)

On 11/07/2013 at 5:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Derry)

Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML

#20942769
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57437) - you deserved it (5998)

On 11/02/2013 at 5:10pm - kids - by unknown (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML

#20941049
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85280) - you deserved it (6100)

On 11/01/2013 at 3:01am - intimacy - by PapaW - United States (Utah)

Today, I went to school without any makeup on. The guys who usually compliment me for being pretty are now calling me "The Greatest Illusion Ever". FML

#20936906
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43175) - you deserved it (19168)

On 10/28/2013 at 4:31pm - misc - by The greatest Illusion ever (woman) - United States

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

#20932505
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55226) - you deserved it (3680)

On 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm - misc - by soon to be divorced (man) - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. He showed up in a shirt that read, "I f*ck on first dates". FML

#20888198
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50129) - you deserved it (5708)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by ughreally (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I helped my brother propose to his girlfriend of 5 years in the spot where they had first met. As he delivered his heartfelt speech, a sizable crowd appeared. When he got down on one knee, she punched him in the gut, yelled, "I never loved you", and ran away. Now he won't talk to me. FML

#20887080
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48001) - you deserved it (3029)

On 09/18/2013 at 9:45pm - love - by ElizaZee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after giving me my very first orgasm, my boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about my orgasm face. Apparently it reminded him of the scene in the Exorcist with the possessed girl, and it really freaked him out. FML

#20816805
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58761) - you deserved it (7471)

On 08/02/2013 at 10:08am - intimacy - by right (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

#20805942
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43441) - you deserved it (24553)

On 07/27/2013 at 4:03am - love - by good_aim (man) - United States (California)

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56030) - you deserved it (9298)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States



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