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Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55107) - you deserved it (3737)
On 06/22/2009 at 5:03am - intimacy - by fml (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was down at Disney World. Me and my buddy decided to take our pictures in a photobooth. While in the tiny space, I thought it'd be funny to flash the camera. A women barged in as soon as I did so, screaming "You know there's an outside video feed, right!?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (7894) - you deserved it (44446)
On 06/21/2009 at 9:15pm - misc - by TheFlash (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, was my boyfriends birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52208) - you deserved it (20565)
On 06/21/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by jinxofsocal (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34253) - you deserved it (12094)
On 06/20/2009 at 10:29pm - misc - by meantowheels (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49476) - you deserved it (2305)
On 06/20/2009 at 2:01am - misc - by Dumbass - United States (Florida)
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
I agree, your life sucks (97115) - you deserved it (56281)
On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doc inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59556) - you deserved it (5647)
On 06/08/2009 at 9:48am - intimacy - by prostate (man) - United States (California)
Today, at work my arms were full. I needed to get the door open, so instead of pushing the swing door open with my shoulder, I kicked it open with my foot. Right into my manager's face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29128) - you deserved it (8488)
On 06/05/2009 at 11:36pm - work - by hellogoodbye (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25495) - you deserved it (58777)
On 06/04/2009 at 9:07pm - misc - by LadyChristina25 - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53847) - you deserved it (1864)
On 05/06/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by Gumfanatic302 (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18470) - you deserved it (45645)
On 04/25/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30741) - you deserved it (75086)
On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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