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Draxanoth's favorite FMLs
Today, working my job, I had to explain to a kid that Pokemon is owned by Nintendo and they don't make it for the Xbox. Upset by this, he took hold of my leg and started biting. I'm also suspended, because his mother complained when I kicked him off me. FML
by Garchomp / 07/08/2013 at 10:08pm / United States (Kansas) / Work
Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML
by what_the_hell / 06/20/2013 at 4:35am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Money
Today, my brother got one of those water-vapour cigarettes. I was playing around with it, and my neighbour saw me through the window. She came over to yell at my parents about my "addiction" to marijuana. When my parents told her to get lost, she called the cops and tried to get me arrested. FML
by aimee_alexis / 06/20/2013 at 1:30am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her because for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML
by yesguysgetabusedtoo / 05/24/2013 at 7:42pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
by Anonymous / 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML
by sanoria51 / 04/26/2013 at 7:58pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
by drama king? / 04/10/2013 at 6:17pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
by nraecher / 03/23/2013 at 12:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived I texted her and she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML
by bobthenun / 03/20/2013 at 5:16pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by guy / 03/15/2013 at 1:31am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML
by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML
by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 1:27pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 2:19pm / Botswana (North-East) / Intimacy
by BonGoWash / 02/07/2013 at 9:45am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…