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DraconicFeline's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
DraconicFeline's favorite FMLs
by bigbaby / 09/16/2016 at 3:06am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by r1has / 06/29/2016 at 4:01pm / Pakistan (Punjab) / Miscellaneous
Today, a wasp ended up in the house. Normally, I'd just open a door to outside and run for cover, but my 3-year-old son was home, so I decided to be brave and kill it. It flew into the air vents. We're now playing wasp roulette every time we enter a room. FML
by Anonymous / 06/29/2016 at 8:24am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by Anonymous / 06/11/2016 at 10:27am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, my therapist told me to write down my goals for the next five years. After thinking hard for what seemed like forever, all I could come up with was getting a girlfriend and having an FML published. And to be honest, I'm not even sure about that first one. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2016 at 1:03am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I'm so tired from constantly soothing my crying 2-month-old baby that I've started trying to soothe inanimate objects with baby talk when they make a noise. My fridge stated beeping and I began an involuntary chorus of, 'It's OK darling, shhhhhh, it's alright.' FML
by Babyhazy / 06/05/2016 at 5:52pm / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
by Lazyuser2849 / 06/01/2016 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, a woman threw a sandwich at me, told me to go back to "fucktard island" and demanded to see my manager. All because the mayonnaise sandwich she ordered, shockingly enough, had mayonnaise in it. FML
by xoxo_retailslave420_xoxo / 05/21/2016 at 8:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, I saw a man help an elderly lady with her tray at the local McDonald's. I wanted to do something nice for him, so I added a couple extra nuggets in his meal. He later came up to me and told me I was dumb and didn't know how to count, and that was why I was working at McDonald's. FML
by korbo7 / 05/16/2016 at 11:26pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work
Today, my 5 year-old daughter saw me getting ready to sit down in a fold-out camp chair, and told me, with a big smile on her face, "Daddy, you're too fat to sit in that chair. You'll break it with your big butt." Out of the mouths of babes, I guess. FML
by antwhite1987 / 05/08/2016 at 1:30pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/13/2016 at 7:46pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, the company I work for decided to herald the step to becoming fully digital by hanging physical passive-aggressive flyers everywhere, urging everyone to go digital. Might as well have written, "Save the trees" on them. FML
by tdtf / 03/16/2016 at 5:11am / Germany (Bayern) / Work
Today, I'm going cold turkey with my drinking and smoking habits. I'm so irritable, I seriously considered running down an old lady who was taking her damn sweet time crossing the road, then shooting the guy in the car behind me for honking at me like I was holding everyone up. FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2016 at 11:00am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
Today, I was called a "Potato" for at least the 30th time by people online for living in Idaho. I've lived here my whole life, I have yet to see a potato farm. None of these people has even left the East Coast. FML
by ApparentlyaPotato / 02/10/2016 at 12:08am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous
Today, I shared with my doctor that I still feel uncomfortable with my medication. She expressed surprise, saying, "Really? By now I would've thought it'd be routine." Sorry, no. In three months, I have not gotten used to sticking a syringe up my butt and injecting my rectum full of medicated foam. FML
by Anonymous / 02/04/2016 at 9:22pm / United States (Maryland) / Health