DrJones

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DrJones

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 20 April 1986 (30 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 832
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About DrJones : All mammals have hair. Whales are mammals... Therefore, whales have hair. Shave the whales!

DrJones's page activity

Visits<b>ohmygoodnex</b> - the 06/10/2010 at 5:45pm

DrJones's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

DrJones's favorite FMLs

Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML

by ohshit / 03/28/2011 at 8:31pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

by dickface / 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I dropped my blackberry, but thanks to the protective gel case that I just purchased for it... it bounced and fell right into a sidewalk drainage sewer. FML

by anonymous / 03/28/2011 at 2:48pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was waiting for the bus while wearing my FML shirt. A passer-by stopped, stared at me for a moment, and said, "I agree, your life sucks." FML

Today, I was cooking, and I took a pot of boiling water to the sink to drain. My pot holder slipped, and the boiling water spilled all over my breasts. Second degree boob burns are bad, but losing half a nipple to potato salad is worse. FML

by ouchmytits / 03/28/2011 at 2:42am / United States (Mississippi) / Health

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

by rowie1311 / 03/27/2011 at 2:09pm / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, on the way home from the dog groomer, my great Dane had a bout of diarrhea in the car. I slammed on the brakes and my other freshly shampooed dog slid off the seat and into the pile of crap. FML

by StinkyDogs / 03/27/2011 at 6:06am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared at me like I was from another planet and said, "You can't get pregnant the first time..." This moron is my best friend. FML

by Thatslife / 03/26/2011 at 3:29pm / Netherlands (Friesland) / Intimacy

Today, my family came back from holiday to discover that my little sister had messed with the cat flap before we left. Several stray cats were able to come in, but were unable to get out, and left shit in various areas around the house. FML

by cathouse / 03/26/2011 at 3:27pm / United Kingdom (North Down) / Animals

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

by omg / 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2011 at 10:59am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2011 at 1:54am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I noticed a weird smell coming from my four year old daughter's room. I went to investigate and found she had been using (and hiding) her garbage can as a toilet for when she "can't make it in time." FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 8:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I found out that the plant in my kitchen that I have been watering for almost 2 years is fake. FML

by IlikeGreenPlants / 11/25/2009 at 9:41pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that there is a limit to being thrifty. For example buying a pan from the dollar store is most likely going to cost a lot more than a few dollars. Especially when it melts all over your stove which you now have to replace. FML

by Drim / 11/25/2009 at 12:52pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous