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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back. When he told me I was beautiful I laughed so hard that I farted. Loudly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44776) - you deserved it (17301)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:13pm - love - by ECullen (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. Trying to be romantic, I told him that I loved him and I was so glad I was with him. He responded by giving me a thumbs-up and turning back to the TV. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39196) - you deserved it (4630)
On 05/14/2009 at 2:48am - love - by KarolBee (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65026) - you deserved it (6427)
On 05/10/2009 at 2:49pm - love - by airport (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21844) - you deserved it (42673)
On 05/05/2009 at 10:17am - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, one of the Haitians that works in the kitchen at my restaurant said something to me. Usually I can't understand them and I just smile and laugh, so that's what I did this time. Later, I found out he was trying to tell me his father had passed away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13986) - you deserved it (47075)
On 04/09/2009 at 8:13pm - work - by ohhhman (woman) - United States
Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57786) - you deserved it (8767)
On 04/08/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by eun (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46763) - you deserved it (127803)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71477) - you deserved it (9938)
On 04/04/2009 at 6:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Denmark (Roskilde)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (199265) - you deserved it (58829)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14616) - you deserved it (84855)
On 04/01/2009 at 4:06pm - health - by nic (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML
I agree, your life sucks (84807) - you deserved it (11959)
On 03/30/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by lucky (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, whilst working at Subway, I took an order for 6 footlongs. The entire process took 15 minutes due to the customer's hesitant and glacial pace. When it came to paying, he pulled out his wallet, looked inside, looked at me, and walked quickly out of the store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73797) - you deserved it (3200)
On 03/30/2009 at 8:16am - work - by matte (man) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, a 7 year old girl came up to me and told me to fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard this conversation, she came up to me and told me to fuck myself as well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (193168) - you deserved it (18031)
On 03/30/2009 at 1:06am - kids - by Wmsys32pr9 (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59485) - you deserved it (28233)
On 03/28/2009 at 1:33pm - intimacy - by Chelsea (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed my exceptionally baggy pants in the passenger door. She didn't notice and started to drive away. I spent the next fifteen seconds being dragged across rough pavement with my pants around my ankles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47910) - you deserved it (30213)
On 03/28/2009 at 1:17pm - misc - by enriquegay (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Monday 20 May 2013
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