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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37967) - you deserved it (17149)
On 08/04/2009 at 3:55am - love - by Ouchithurt (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I found out that bees like to make hives in odd places, like in your vintage car's trunk. I also found out that they don't like it when you break their hive in half when you open the trunk to get out a spare tire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40195) - you deserved it (3303)
On 08/03/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by Stung (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was working my shift at a fancy restaurant and it had been a really hard day. My parents came in to have dinner and surprise me. After paying, they left a note saying they would see me at home. It also said "By the way, no tip, because you stink at serving." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34219) - you deserved it (4902)
On 08/02/2009 at 3:12pm - work - by waiterrrrrrrrr (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I was at home, my mom came and saw me holding what she thought was a glass of beer. She took the glass, threw it and slapped me for drinking it. I was drinking Apple Juice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47405) - you deserved it (2398)
On 08/02/2009 at 12:14pm - misc - by kashish0711 (man) - India (Chandigarh)
Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54710) - you deserved it (11471)
On 08/02/2009 at 12:21am - love - by thefailure (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up random names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59565) - you deserved it (12172)
On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)
Today, my father taught my son to pee on trees outside. We went to the mall later and my son decided to practice what he'd learned on a potted plant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32322) - you deserved it (4370)
On 08/01/2009 at 2:35am - kids - by jcesom (woman) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was 'A man running'. I didn't even get an apology. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49273) - you deserved it (1685)
On 08/01/2009 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam matress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11448) - you deserved it (57993)
On 07/31/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by ohhmydamn (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, my little 7 and 6 year old cousins came visit my family home. I heard the oldest one say that my sister was nice and pretty. Then the youngest replied "Yeah, but the older one has the face of a murderer." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34564) - you deserved it (2459)
On 07/31/2009 at 12:01am - kids - by BadMurderer (woman) - Mexico (Tabasco)
Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32080) - you deserved it (2867)
On 07/30/2009 at 9:56am - kids - by Rae (woman) - United States - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45833) - you deserved it (11147)
On 07/27/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by fmysexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (91584) - you deserved it (27419)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States
Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41990) - you deserved it (5259)
On 07/26/2009 at 12:37am - intimacy - by PTKFML (woman) - United States
Today, I found out that my husband made a replica of our family on The Sims 3. I also found out he killed me off a couple weeks ago and made a new wife, KiKi. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51644) - you deserved it (4152)
On 07/26/2009 at 12:28am - love - by nosrepamai82 (woman) - United States (Florida)
Monday 20 May 2013
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