This member hasn't filled in the description.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23390) - you deserved it (4578)
On 09/15/2009 at 10:27pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN" in front of the whole restaurant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34029) - you deserved it (505)
On 09/12/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by taman (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was driving my new car home when I came around a sharp turn to see a groundhog in the road. I kindly stopped and allowed it to cross when all of the sudden a car slammed into the back of mine. Then, another car went flying around us. That car hit and killed the groundhog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32515) - you deserved it (8662)
On 09/10/2009 at 2:46pm - misc - by hatecolin (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my wife thought it would be fun to bring in one of her girlfriends for a threesome. Because of the friend, I now know what my wife sounds like when she's having a REAL orgasm. Five years and two kids into our marriage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42471) - you deserved it (14187)
On 08/13/2009 at 9:46pm - intimacy - by onehundredpercenteffed (man) - United States (Idaho)
Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39223) - you deserved it (10540)
On 08/13/2009 at 2:17pm - misc - by fearofzombies (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35452) - you deserved it (4544)
On 08/13/2009 at 12:49pm - animals - by animalover - United States (Georgia)
Today, while teaching swim lessons, a boy was holding a noodle and claimed it was his fishing rod. Trying to be fun, I grabbed on and told him to "reel" me in. He then yells out 'YAY, I caught a whale!'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36564) - you deserved it (8828)
On 08/12/2009 at 1:02pm - kids - by guard35 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was in the car for 8 hours driving home from North Carolina with my family. We brought my dog along and I was petting her for most of the ride. I thought she fell asleep, so I continued to play with her. She never woke up. I played with a dead dog for almost an hour and a half. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51631) - you deserved it (2973)
On 08/12/2009 at 12:13am - animals - by jennabean (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I felt inspired to create a photo album of myself through the years. As I was organizing the photos of my childhood, I noticed how many my mom was holding me and hugging me in. When she came home from work I jokingly asked, "When did you start hating me?" She replied, "When you were 4". FML
I agree, your life sucks (34293) - you deserved it (4145)
On 08/11/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41586) - you deserved it (5720)
On 08/11/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9456) - you deserved it (38342)
On 08/10/2009 at 10:34am - misc - by klutz (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10644) - you deserved it (41169)
Today, I went to buy a cake for my daughter's birthday. She really loves Twilight, so I decided to get her a vampire-related cake. I wrote down "fangs" as a decoration. The baker thought it said "wangs". My 10 year old daughter's cake has wangs all over it. Her party is tomorrow morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36924) - you deserved it (7903)
On 08/08/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by TheCake - United States (Florida)
Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37141) - you deserved it (1906)
On 08/06/2009 at 3:22pm - love - by DravensMommy (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25164) - you deserved it (75893)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Monday 17 June 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
