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Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30681) - you deserved it (1756)
On 03/12/2013 at 6:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was taking a patient's blood pressure, and listening for his pulse with my stethoscope. I couldn't hear anything, so I adjusted the cuff and tried again. Still no pulse. He pointed out that my stethoscope was the wrong way around and sneered, "You been smokin' the reefer, boy?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (10518) - you deserved it (22840)
On 03/07/2013 at 7:35pm - work - by no sir I have not (man) - United States
Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (29813) - you deserved it (1426)
On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25664) - you deserved it (5292)
On 12/10/2012 at 2:21am - love - by Tonguetied0496 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I followed my neighbor's advice and sprayed Sprite on my Christmas tree because it will "make it live longer." I just came downstairs to find my Christmas tree covered in ants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4744) - you deserved it (25662)
On 12/01/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Chuffy - United States (Colorado)
Today, I realized that the comforting, unique scent of my mother in my childhood was actually the smell of the marijuana she smokes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20881) - you deserved it (2061)
On 11/29/2012 at 10:35pm - misc - by childhoodupinsmoke (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (7695) - you deserved it (18922)
On 11/20/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19845) - you deserved it (10229)
On 11/19/2012 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I started at my first job. Within the first five minutes of arriving, I was followed around by a white guy who repeatedly sang to me, "Black people love making music" along with a few of his own songs. It resulted in me getting fired for bringing my "boyfriend" to work. I didn't even know him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17006) - you deserved it (1260)
On 11/14/2012 at 8:04pm - work - by sarahijklmnop (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement. Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14072) - you deserved it (17494)
On 11/14/2012 at 6:39am - misc - by hclagopus (man) - Norway
Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5160) - you deserved it (19229)
Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31487) - you deserved it (1154)
On 11/09/2012 at 2:18am - love - by SebastianMiko (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25584) - you deserved it (1536)
On 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm - kids - by ananymous - United States (New York)
Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18080) - you deserved it (2103)
On 10/31/2012 at 6:06am - misc - by hakuna matata - United States (California)
Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7519) - you deserved it (28104)
On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)
Friday 24 May 2013
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