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DoctorWatson

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DoctorWatson

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  • Number of visits : 2538
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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DoctorWatson's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

#18954927
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33230) - you deserved it (5193)

On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via the medium of free-style rapping. FML

#18535495
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33155) - you deserved it (4335)

On 12/17/2011 at 12:03pm - love - by Emily - United States (Indiana)

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

#18467751
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45348) - you deserved it (5504)

On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML

#18444451
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12767) - you deserved it (46883)

On 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML

#18444451
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12767) - you deserved it (46883)

On 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

#18404973
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42465) - you deserved it (9838)

On 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by pops up - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

#18098530
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30323) - you deserved it (17715)

On 10/28/2011 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was in a pool locker room, surrounded by semi-naked people. While changing into my clothes, I accidentally pushed a button on my phone, causing it to make the loud, unmistakable camera shutter sound effect. Everyone definitely heard it. FML

#17217334
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34949) - you deserved it (5105)

On 07/22/2011 at 1:36pm - misc - by Roode (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML

#16596385
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22271) - you deserved it (49710)

On 06/10/2011 at 3:06pm - love - by gabxoxo03 - United States (New York)

Today, my boss asked if he could pay me in guns. FML

#16571694
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32354) - you deserved it (5736)

On 06/09/2011 at 12:06am - work - by grant b - United States (Texas)

Today, I noticed that after a month of using my gel, it never seems to empty. I then found out my older brother and his friends had been pumping their man-juice into it. FML

#14838014
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68637) - you deserved it (6296)

On 02/04/2011 at 9:08am - intimacy - by theish -

Today, I went on a double date with my bestfriend. At the end of the night, her boyfriend gave her a long kiss, and texted her 5 minutes after we left to say he missed her already. My boyfriend picked his nose, then gave me a fist bump as a goodbye. FML

#12698820
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36462) - you deserved it (6565)

On 08/23/2010 at 7:40am - love - by Sara1990 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML

#9416886
397 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52333) - you deserved it (9987)

On 03/27/2010 at 4:26am - intimacy - by pumpkinlover89 - United States (California)

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

#7217520
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27176) - you deserved it (34688)

On 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm - misc - by Hugh_Jankles (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

#5974378
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36784) - you deserved it (9458)

On 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by sad_dad (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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