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DoNotEnter's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that when I orgasm, my increased heart rate causes me to pass out. I also found out my boyfriend doesn't stop when I'm unconscious. FML

#15379416
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52833) - you deserved it (7776)

On 03/19/2011 at 6:32am - intimacy - by anonymous - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, at work I tried to help an old man by opening the door for him. He flipped me off because I was wearing a Kansas State University shirt. FML

#15172903
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23944) - you deserved it (8639)

On 03/02/2011 at 5:10am - work - by Ivan -

Today, I was startled awake at 4am by a loud and awful sound. Completely serious, I asked my fiancé if he had just shit his pants. His response: giggles followed by a softly whispered "maybe". FML

#14794923
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36315) - you deserved it (4801)

On 02/01/2011 at 8:43am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years tell his friend he was going to "pop the question". Ecstatic, I wore my nicest dress and got my hair done for dinner. Near the end, he leant in romantically and asked if we could start doing anal. So much for marriage. FML

#14326662
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34828) - you deserved it (6914)

On 12/24/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by snoozerlooser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I met my boyfriend's whole family. Between them they had about 10 teeth. FML

#13770099
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32936) - you deserved it (4644)

On 11/08/2010 at 9:25pm - love - by unknown - United States (Florida)

Today, I lost my anal virginity because my boyfriend "slipped". FML

#11117532
353 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52396) - you deserved it (21238)

On 06/11/2010 at 12:56am - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML

#11028124
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38340) - you deserved it (6763)

On 06/07/2010 at 3:03am - love - by flipflop - United States (California)

Today, I realized that going back on birth control has made my acne go away and my boobs bigger. However, to my boyfriend's dismay, I've completely lost my sex drive. FML

#10435354
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31977) - you deserved it (4645)

On 05/09/2010 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after church, my 5-year-old son asked me about God, so I answered his questions in full. We talked about God for over 2 hours. At the end of it all, he pondered for a moment, before saying to me "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. You're dumb." FML

#9721953
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25170) - you deserved it (56129)

On 04/08/2010 at 12:27am - kids - by bleredoshia (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants and while chasing after her yells "baby she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML

#9695428
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66087) - you deserved it (6631)

On 04/07/2010 at 12:21am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, after ten minutes of squishing my boobs together for my boyfriend, trying to get him to stare, he glanced at them then blankly said "I've seen better tits on my mom, so baby just stop that" and smiled. FML

#8737489
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24112) - you deserved it (6348)

On 03/01/2010 at 12:13am - intimacy - by oboy - United States

Today, the toilet at my apartment still hasn't been fixed. I have to straddle the bathtub for number 1's and go to Walmart for 2's. FML

#7566820
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32665) - you deserved it (2750)

On 01/25/2010 at 10:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML

#7482237
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49451) - you deserved it (3934)

On 01/21/2010 at 7:45pm - misc - by hardtotell (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, it was the last day of finals. After sleeping less than three hours in the last two days, I got in the car to go to school. For a second, I thought my steering wheel, the gas pedal, and brake pedal were all missing. That's when I realized I was sitting in the back seat. FML

#6692026
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28996) - you deserved it (12416)

On 12/10/2009 at 8:08am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)



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