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  • Number of visits : 798
  • Number of comments : 40
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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DoNotEnter's favorite FMLs

Today, I thought about how my dad went to get me a Halloween costume and hasn't come home yet. That was 11 years ago. We've moved twice since then. FML

#19369767
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39041) - you deserved it (2436)

On 03/29/2012 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend's Marine dad walked in on us fooling around naked. Now we can only hang out with "parental supervision". Oh, and I have to record my visits on a clipboard by the door. FML

#18785732
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20940) - you deserved it (34845)

On 01/12/2012 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by Duplighost (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while sleeping, my foot was stabbed by something in my bed and I woke up to it bleeding. I looked around for the cause and found nothing. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep because it might happen again. FML

#18550931
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29356) - you deserved it (2376)

On 12/19/2011 at 2:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML

#18483356
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48472) - you deserved it (7719)

On 12/11/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

#18439975
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14599) - you deserved it (39169)

On 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML

#18346597
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37381) - you deserved it (8348)

On 11/25/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by notgoodenough - United States (Ohio)

Today, I met my girlfriend's family. Her mother wants us to stay in separate bedrooms, and I was happy to oblige since I'm staying at their house. But because there isn't an extra room, we have to stay together. Upon entering the house, her mom searched our bags for condoms and birth-control pills. FML

#18341424
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30831) - you deserved it (2829)

On 11/24/2011 at 9:09pm - intimacy - by vistingherfamily (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML

#18335372
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34793) - you deserved it (5503)

On 11/24/2011 at 8:57am - intimacy - by Jane (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. In an attempt to be romantic, I tried taking her panties off with my teeth. I got a mouthful of pubes stuck in my braces. FML

#18286720
366 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38142) - you deserved it (31120)

On 11/19/2011 at 3:05am - intimacy - by Tyler - United States

Today, I realized that in my relationship with my significant other, the roles are switched. We went out for a nice dinner, I paid, and when we got home he "had a headache" and asked for an aspirin so he could go to sleep. FML

#18272596
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24889) - you deserved it (6150)

On 11/17/2011 at 1:11pm - misc - by Damnit (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was doing the reverse cowgirl with my boyfriend. I was on the way to a glorious finish when he pointed out that I had a pimple on my butt. He began to laugh so hard that he went soft. FML

#18271513
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37675) - you deserved it (5484)

On 11/17/2011 at 9:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter-in-law taught my 4-year-old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children. FML

#18254436
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12509) - you deserved it (56781)

On 11/15/2011 at 10:16am - kids - by Margo (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend of five years was in a bad car crash, and ended up with a concussion. He didn't remember me. At all. But he remembered his other girlfriend he had cheated on me with for two months. FML

#18210187
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47362) - you deserved it (3451)

On 11/10/2011 at 1:22pm - love - by Nicoli - United States (Washington)

Today, without telling me, my mom dropped me off at my grandmother's house, and drove off. Now I'm supposed to spend the next month with her. Guess she forgot my grandma died six weeks ago. FML

#18062520
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45222) - you deserved it (2658)

On 10/24/2011 at 10:55am - misc - by lonely - United States (California)

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

#18041675
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19994) - you deserved it (33282)

On 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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