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  • Number of visits : 770
  • Number of comments : 40
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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DoNotEnter's favorite FMLs

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

#20482358
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49153) - you deserved it (13914)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML

#20465889
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58995) - you deserved it (6792)

On 01/18/2013 at 5:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years drunkenly introduced me to another very special lady. His wife. FML

#20197502
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33104) - you deserved it (3268)

On 12/09/2012 at 9:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML

#20157197
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28945) - you deserved it (2580)

On 11/10/2012 at 5:15am - love - by Helen - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my husband and I found out that our dog was pregnant. He now refuses to have kids with me for at least two years, because he wants to raise the puppies without any "distractions". FML

#20140254
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25208) - you deserved it (3657)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:45pm - animals - by Lilly - United States

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

#20111886
522 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74711) - you deserved it (8757)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I spent hours crafting a tiara to look like the princess from my boyfriend's favourite game series, Zelda. I sent him a picture of me wearing it, and got the reply: "Sure, that's nice, but you'd be better as Majora." FML

#20079245
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17871) - you deserved it (3019)

On 09/19/2012 at 1:25pm - love - by MT (woman) - Finland

Today, my daughter and her boyfriend excitedly told me that after months of trying they are finally pregnant and that I'm going to be a grandmother. This would be great news if they weren't 15. FML

#20077962
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43826) - you deserved it (6341)

On 09/18/2012 at 4:20pm - health - by GMD (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

#20068526
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44405) - you deserved it (3878)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML

#20028986
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47303) - you deserved it (3354)

On 08/18/2012 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by sal (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML

#20024660
502 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11359) - you deserved it (151270)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

#19903364
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29756) - you deserved it (3565)

On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML

#19662141
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17594) - you deserved it (3277)

On 05/22/2012 at 12:11pm - love - by boblaj (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML

#19608717
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26335) - you deserved it (3814)

On 05/11/2012 at 7:52pm - misc - by Class (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML

#19561833
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14183) - you deserved it (51125) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/02/2012 at 1:06am - love - by Flip (woman) - France (Rhone-Alpes)



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