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Why am I up so early?
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Disembob's favorite FMLs
Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML
by Noname / 02/26/2009 at 10:30am / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, there was a luncheon at work in another dept. We all went to get some free food and see new faces. There was a hot girl walking around chatting. I grabbed my buddy's arm and told him there was a "nice pair of tits here" He saw her. It's his daughter. She's a new-hire... running HR. FML
by bluecollar / 02/26/2009 at 3:07am / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer. While doing arm exercises he commented on how impressed he was with the size of my triceps. That really boosted my self-confidence, until he leaned in to feel them and said, "Oh, it's just fat." FML
by Sheezey / 02/24/2009 at 6:14pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, my Grandma was showing me an ancient family letter. It was apparently written by someone historically famous. She was going on about how important it was, in such good condition too, worth a lot. I dropped my glass of juice. It spilt all over it. FML
by damn-it / 02/22/2009 at 1:41am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the airport, about to listen to Disney's Camp Rock soundtrack on my iPhone. I pressed play, only to realize that my headphones weren't plugged in all the way. Everone sitting near me heard Joe Jonas' voice coming from my phone. I am 40 years old. FML
by Italian_Stallion / 02/16/2009 at 4:44pm / United States (New York) / Transportation
by alhummel21 / 02/12/2009 at 2:45am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I tried hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time with my friend. Little did I know, they last for around 6 hours, and I had class at 3, when I had to give a presentation in front of 30 people. FML
by facepalmshroomer / 02/07/2009 at 6:24pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by hypebeast / 01/28/2009 at 10:00am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Champs / 01/25/2009 at 12:52pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to jack it a few times because I haven't been laid in a while. After round 3 my ex called me up and said she wanted to 'talk.' When she came over she made it abundantly clear that she wanted to make whoopie. Couldn't get it up. FML
by f__k_it / 01/18/2009 at 11:30am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by Hth / 01/15/2009 at 6:14am / United States (Delaware) / Love
Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML
by joe / 01/02/2009 at 6:09am / France (Auvergne) / Love
Today, I baby sat a four-year old kid, because his parents went partying. Once in bed, he yells "I want to go party!!". After 3 or 4 times, I told him to go to sleep. 2 hours later, wet bed. "Told you I want to go potty!!" FML
by Tara / 10/31/2008 at 3:06am / Sweden (Blekinge Lan) / Kids
- Today, I’m in China for work. All my work is stored in my Google Drive, directly via the internet.… Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s…