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Discarnate

Offline (the 07/29/2015 at 3:53am) | Search for a member

Discarnate

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 275
  • Number of comments : 38
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Discarnate's page activity

Visits<b>Much2Much4U</b> - the 10/03/2013 at 11:05pm<b>crackmore278</b> - the 08/25/2013 at 7:12pm<b>intheheart</b> - the 08/25/2013 at 3:18pm<b>chargers2588</b> - the 07/23/2013 at 8:50am<b>Gshelton09</b> - the 03/02/2013 at 5:49pm

Discarnate's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of Discarnate's badges

Discarnate's favorite FMLs

Today, I stayed over at my boyfriend's house for the first time. He soon found out about my sleep-talking habit. I started ranting about "electron shaming" and I apparently passionately support their "sub-atomic lifestyle". Yes, he managed to get it on video. FML

#21439547
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25370) - you deserved it (2791)

On 07/10/2015 at 12:57pm - misc - by wantmeasandwich (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, my 14 year old brother and 9 year old sister were fighting. My brother said "You suck!" to my sister, and she replied with "You swallow!" FML

Today, I was supposed to light candles at my aunt's wedding. I accidentally lit the groom on fire. FML

#21402824
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29909) - you deserved it (5558)

On 05/01/2015 at 9:41am - misc - by why? - United States

Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red paper to help his little brother with his potty training. "Aim for the red!" they would say to him. I guess today was a bad day to wear red pants. FML

#21381127
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27758) - you deserved it (2397)

On 03/25/2015 at 2:26am - kids - by ILoveLamps (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was doing homework and I had my leg bent in a funny position. When I stood up, my hip dislocated. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. When people ask me what happened, I have to say I dislocated my hip doing calculus. FML

#21381072
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28713) - you deserved it (3000)

On 03/25/2015 at 12:24am - health - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was so drunk that I forgot how to use the key to my front door. But I knew how to break a window, get into my locked basement, and unlock the basement door with my front door's key. FML

#21374433
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22676) - you deserved it (15317)

On 03/14/2015 at 12:52pm - misc - by nomorealcoholeva - Norway (Nordland)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML

#21361311
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32396) - you deserved it (4787)

On 02/22/2015 at 8:41pm - misc - by headache - United States

Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML

#21360941
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29934) - you deserved it (4110)

On 02/22/2015 at 8:54am - health - by IngenuityAbsent - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I can't decide what's worse: the fact that my mother found my vibrator or that, as a prank, she replaced it with a realistic tarantula replica. She won't tell me where it is. FML

#21351119
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26766) - you deserved it (4207)

On 02/06/2015 at 7:57pm - misc - by go fuck myself - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in his car. We were in the front seat and I was on top. My ass hit the horn and scared my boyfriend so bad, he jumped, causing me to hit my head so hard that I swear I got a concussion. FML

#21341327
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30919) - you deserved it (11891)

On 01/20/2015 at 11:10pm - intimacy - by chelse_elyce - United States

Today, I took out my old hairdryer and turned it on. I then gave my roommate a show as I ran out of the bathroom, naked and screaming, after a spider was blasted out of the hairdryer and directly at my face. FML

#21316166
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33593) - you deserved it (4290)

On 12/12/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by lateralligator - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

#21300835
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28856) - you deserved it (3455)

On 11/17/2014 at 5:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got demonic gastric distress while taking my final college exam. I only got about 50% of it done, left the classroom 50% faster, and experienced both 50% dread and 50% relief. Now I have to repeat 50% of the class. FML

#21293883
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29528) - you deserved it (3587)

On 11/07/2014 at 1:53am - misc - by all shat out - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

#21262210
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41944) - you deserved it (11696)

On 09/21/2014 at 1:11am - intimacy - by RuinedTheMood (woman) - United States (Texas)



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