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Discarnate

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Discarnate
  • Town/Country : Germany
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 January 1990 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 183
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Discarnate's last visitors

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Discarnate's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of Discarnate's badges

Discarnate's favorite FMLs

Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies. The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs. Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room. FML

#20186785
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6136) - you deserved it (19441)

On 12/01/2012 at 3:21pm - health - by fieldmarshalclitter (man) - United States

Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML

#19917515
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10571) - you deserved it (20875)

On 07/10/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Concert Flatulent - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

#19772012
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18877) - you deserved it (2423)

On 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm - love - by amidreaming?? (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I tried to beat my dad to the car. I jumped over the steel cables in the parking structure and hit my head on a metal pipe, then bounced off the wires, and onto my back on the pavement. Good thing we were already at the hospital to visit my sick mother. FML

#19649582
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6542) - you deserved it (14464)

On 05/20/2012 at 12:06am - health - by Ouch (man) - United States (California)

Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML

#19575645
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5654) - you deserved it (17231)

On 05/05/2012 at 1:01am - animals - by lexii - United States

Today, an exchange student was telling us how he once used a black light to detect semen stains on his "abstinent" ex-girlfriend's face. I called him out on the obvious lie, saying it's an old urban legend. He wigged out, screamed that I'm a "bastarding shite-wank" and ran out of class. FML

#19573864
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12192) - you deserved it (3147)

On 05/04/2012 at 5:53pm - intimacy - by Garry (man) - United States

Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML

#19489197
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17935) - you deserved it (4186)

On 04/18/2012 at 9:43am - misc - by Fartfail (man) - Hong Kong

Today, I was discussing the traffic with my brother. He said the most common car colour is red. I said it was black. We ended up betting €100 on which three vehicles of either colour would pass by our house first. It seems a convoy of fire trucks had somewhere to be in a hurry. FML

#17221659
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24303) - you deserved it (8020) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/22/2011 at 8:52pm - money - by zerom - France

Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML

#15296176
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10336) - you deserved it (52930)

On 03/13/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I tripped on a step that said "Watch your step." Two hours later, I hit my head on a sign that said "Mind your head." FML

#13823119
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21264) - you deserved it (9844)

On 11/13/2010 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I grounded my daughter for putting play doh in the toaster. She's 17 and got into Columbia early admissions. FML

#8432968
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19817) - you deserved it (3545)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:18am - misc - by grrrrrr (man) - United States (New York)

Today, like many other days, I fell asleep in math class. Unlike other days, however, I woke up with a start while ripping a really loud fart in my sleep. The whole class heard it because it was during a lecture. Even the teacher was laughing at me and I had to walk, no, run out of the room. FML

#6431680
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6321) - you deserved it (19818)

On 11/24/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to my cousin's farm with my family. First I was pooped on by a goose, peed on by a puppy, bit in the face by the mother dog, fell through the floor of the barn loft, and without knowing it was electric, rested my hand on the horse fence. FML

#5529858
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32860) - you deserved it (6618)

On 09/28/2009 at 4:36pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML

#4874486
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40109) - you deserved it (4934)

On 08/28/2009 at 12:41am - kids - by mariokarter (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my last task for the day as a high school janitor was to power-wash the concrete area where the graduation ceremony will take place. Tired and bored, I drew a huge penis with the power hose. Right before I was going to wash it off, the machine broke. Graduation is tomorrow. FML

#2350763
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13245) - you deserved it (52667)

On 05/27/2009 at 7:10pm - work - by waterproblem (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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