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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25053) - you deserved it (4416)
On 07/29/2011 at 2:26pm - misc - by someone - United States
Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30906) - you deserved it (5001)
On 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by Nickname (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27015) - you deserved it (6252)
On 07/26/2011 at 12:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I went shopping with my grandma. She went to the bathroom and was gone for a long while. I jokingly asked, "What happened, you fall in?" She did. She had shit all over the back of her shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28398) - you deserved it (4963)
On 07/25/2011 at 11:35pm - misc - by Ima_Moronski - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I was home alone, and enjoying my freedom decided to walk around naked blaring my radio. What my mother forgot to tell me before she left was that a guy was coming to fix our dish washer today. Imagine our mutual surprise as I danced around the kitchen while getting a drink. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22310) - you deserved it (8605)
On 07/25/2011 at 2:07pm - misc - by youjustsuck (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, yep, pubic hair is still flammable. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9852) - you deserved it (41666)
On 07/25/2011 at 11:12am - health - by Smokey9 - United States (Florida)
Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8459) - you deserved it (71686)
On 07/22/2011 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35247) - you deserved it (7731)
On 07/21/2011 at 5:24pm - love - by toni405 - United States
Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (28662) - you deserved it (5800)
On 07/17/2011 at 3:14am - kids - by douglas - United States (Washington)
Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21028) - you deserved it (3601)
On 07/15/2011 at 1:01pm - health - by beachbumb8538 - United States
Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21028) - you deserved it (3601)
On 07/15/2011 at 1:01pm - health - by beachbumb8538 - United States
Today, I walked in on my father and brother attempting to harmonize their farts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25493) - you deserved it (3982)
On 07/14/2011 at 4:09pm - misc - by Username - United States
Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24796) - you deserved it (79117)
On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41124) - you deserved it (10418)
On 07/14/2011 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, the whole family came together to celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday. My grandfather read a poem he'd written about how he had taken my grandmother's virginity 60 years ago. It went on for about 30 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24561) - you deserved it (1657)
On 07/14/2011 at 4:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Austria
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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