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DimiAmphetamine's favorite FMLs
Today, I was talking to one of my British friends online, and he told me to say "yew anchors" a few times really fast. I'm a fairly stupid person, and wasn't very focused, so I did as he said. When I finally figured what the words meant, my dad had heard and grounded me for cursing. FML
by properpissed / 06/03/2014 at 11:36am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I searched up ways to fix my eyebrows since they were so bushy and thick. I took my tweezers and set to work. It went to shit. So now, I have one completely straight eyebrow that makes me look like Bert from Sesame Street and another that's arched like Nina Dobrev's. FML
by LexiJ1 / 06/02/2014 at 8:00am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML
by help me / 06/01/2014 at 11:51am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy
Today, at work I had to explain to a client that male dogs can wear red collars and it doesn't make them "gay". The client then got angry and stormed out of the store, causing me to get written up. FML
by Holyguacamoly / 05/27/2014 at 7:15am / Iceland / Animals
by lovely / 02/26/2014 at 1:53pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/29/2013 at 6:56am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by unluckylassy / 11/27/2013 at 7:01pm / Ireland / Intimacy
by HaedLei / 11/26/2013 at 7:17am / United States / Intimacy
by sister sister / 11/25/2013 at 12:38pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML
by why god / 11/25/2013 at 1:16am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by oops999 / 11/19/2013 at 2:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML
by CanWeAllGetOne / 11/13/2013 at 1:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by xomelodygervais / 11/08/2013 at 9:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/04/2013 at 7:36pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- Today, I tried to get the weird annoying chick at work to pick up my shift for me so I could go and… Today, I was minding my own business, when I decided to read in the living room. My father began to… Today, I called the AAA because my car wouldn't turn on. After waiting for an hour and missing my…