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DickSloth

Offline (the 08/30/2014 at 7:49pm) | Search for a member

DickSloth

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 1075
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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DickSloth's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

DickSloth's favorite FMLs

Today, I almost got lucky with a girl from my course. We've been flirting since we met. After removing her top and moving downwards with my tongue, whilst moaning my name she decided to mention she has a boyfriend and that we needed to stop. FML

#21248283
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35743) - you deserved it (3745)

On 08/30/2014 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, my little sister was using my phone to play games. About an hour later, she came to me and said my phone wouldn't work. Turns out my phone had gotten hot and she put it in water to cool it down. FML

#21247999
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31291) - you deserved it (3654)

On 08/29/2014 at 5:22pm - kids - by Quincy_Ethan - United States (Texas)

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

#21247589
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33048) - you deserved it (4513)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16am - misc - by AgentOrion - United States (Alabama)

Today, my butt decided to delete the 650 photos I had on my phone. FML

#21247514
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31896) - you deserved it (6323)

On 08/28/2014 at 10:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my manager made everyone put up Christmas decorations around the store. As well as this, we're going to have Christmas music playing on repeat all the way through to January. It's not even September yet. FML

#21247337
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35175) - you deserved it (2330)

On 08/28/2014 at 6:39pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said "nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML

#21247278
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33458) - you deserved it (2637)

On 08/28/2014 at 5:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Portugal

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33691) - you deserved it (2569)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, while walking to work, I found out what it feels like to be hit in the face by a rolled up newspaper thrown from the window of a moving car by a paper boy doing his rounds. It hit hard enough to give me a black eye. FML

#21246995
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32398) - you deserved it (2570)

On 08/28/2014 at 6:31am - work - by newswithabitofbite (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

#21246787
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33902) - you deserved it (2859)

On 08/27/2014 at 10:33pm - kids - by That idiot - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

#21246644
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32656) - you deserved it (6068)

On 08/27/2014 at 7:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, it's been a few months since my grandfather passed away. Now all of his porn subscriptions are getting forwarded to my address. FML

#21246620
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33160) - you deserved it (2676)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:03pm - misc - by dr.mantistobagon (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

#21246585
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31368) - you deserved it (29529)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boss asked me if I could work this weekend, doing the work of 2 people, for almost no extra pay. I had a weekend out with my kids planned, so I said I couldn't. My boss called it a shitty excuse, yet gave a free pass to a guy who claimed he had a "phobia of working on weekends". FML

#21245803
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34437) - you deserved it (2169)

On 08/26/2014 at 2:11pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia (Riga)

Today, it's my fourth day of my trip to the USA. I've actually started keeping count of the number of times people get confused because I was born in South Africa and yet am not black. Current count: 9. FML

#21245756
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39003) - you deserved it (3450)

On 08/26/2014 at 12:22pm - misc - by WTF, guys? - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a customer's order, when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML

#21245733
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38912) - you deserved it (3521)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:30am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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