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Desijatt00

Offline (the 08/25/2014 at 6:33pm) | Search for a member

Desijatt00

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 750
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Desijatt00 : Lots of stories...

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Desijatt00's favorite FMLs

Today, while refereeing a soccer game, I was accused of being racist, blind, and a fascist by spectators. The game was played by a group of third graders. FML

#20957478
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35784) - you deserved it (2664)

On 11/14/2013 at 12:21pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at work, when an elderly lady casually mentioned it was her birthday. I motioned two of my coworkers over, and we sang a little happy birthday to her over the phone. Our boss stormed in mid-song and suspended all three of us on the spot for "unprofessional behavior." FML

#20082592
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22881) - you deserved it (2265)

On 09/21/2012 at 8:28pm - work - by karmas a kunt (man) - United States

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

#20071956
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23977) - you deserved it (2785)

On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML

#20063309
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19609) - you deserved it (12208)

On 09/08/2012 at 3:16pm - misc - by dating a fucking idiot (woman) - United States

Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML

#20037909
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35676) - you deserved it (10404) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/23/2012 at 4:28pm - love - by thekriss - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was at a concert. It was dark and everyone was singing and waving their lit-up phones in the air. I was having a great time, until someone snatched my £200 phone out of my hand. FML

#20016571
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18714) - you deserved it (10225)

On 08/12/2012 at 7:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

#20015702
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31023) - you deserved it (8567)

On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14741) - you deserved it (38406)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

#20009342
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5814) - you deserved it (43817)

On 08/08/2012 at 10:00am - misc - by FutureMarine3658 - United States (Utah)

Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML

#20007867
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16992) - you deserved it (10596)

On 08/07/2012 at 3:17pm - work - by Employee (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I finally got to see my boyfriend, after two months apart. As we hugged, he lifted me up and spun me around like in the movies. It would have been really romantic if I hadn't hit a little boy while he was riding past on his bike. I've just traumatized a little kid. FML

#19981666
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23079) - you deserved it (2512)

On 07/24/2012 at 2:33pm - kids - by Jessi (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my neighbors are moving. As we were saying our goodbyes, their 12-year-old son approached and thanked me for the times I forgot to shut the blinds and he watched me change. FML

#19945004
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15827) - you deserved it (25190)

On 07/16/2012 at 10:38am - kids - by oops123 (woman) - United States

Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML

#19919285
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26577) - you deserved it (2985)

On 07/10/2012 at 3:33pm - misc - by I_Has_A_Fishy - United States (Texas)

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

#19918073
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18252) - you deserved it (36542)

On 07/10/2012 at 6:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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