DerpyDerpinator

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Offline (the 11/15/2015 at 6:10pm)

DerpyDerpinator

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 11 September 1998 (17 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 644
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About DerpyDerpinator : I'm a Derp. Drop me a message if you wish.

DerpyDerpinator's page activity

Visits<b>alexisanford</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 4:48pm<b>Stephanie001_</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 1:58am<b>emma_b911</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 10:26pm<b>emmareneebby</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 2:27am<b>reillyg11</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 7:40pm<b>w0nd3rl4nd</b> - the 06/30/2015 at 5:24am<b>mellylicious</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 6:40am<b>FloWPs</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 7:32am<b>aishah77</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 4:36pm<b>katefleck77</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 7:27am<b>Mmkay1515</b> - the 01/18/2015 at 12:58pm<b>ilovemychem</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 3:25pm<b>morondon000</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 1:27am<b>imasexyburrito</b> - the 11/14/2014 at 6:38pm<b>megstiel</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 6:42pm<b>omgpp</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 10:39pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 6:54am<b>namine120409</b> - the 11/03/2014 at 12:05pm

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DerpyDerpinator's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

by BakedBat / 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2013 at 6:27pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

by mile high clubber / 07/14/2013 at 6:41am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML

by SamWGovan / 12/09/2012 at 11:57am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

by diggingaplotforone / 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I and a policeman confronted my psychotic neighbor who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML

by Stalked / 11/14/2011 at 7:46pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML

by painfulintercourse / 11/22/2010 at 2:36pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I tried to set up my brand new washer and dryer. How hard can it be, right? After cutting my hand in 3 places on the dryer vent, I finished it off with electrocuting myself. So much for being a domestic goddess. FML

by annie00016 / 10/26/2009 at 9:41pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting on the train and some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML

by Anonymous / 07/31/2009 at 1:01pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso. When I asked him what he was doing he replied "well I was looking for your boobs but apparently you have none" FML

by tinytitty / 03/22/2009 at 11:18pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my dad told me he has been dating my boyfriend's mom while I was away at college. They have gotten pretty serious, and are thinking about getting married. I might be dating my stepbrother. FML

by Cindy / 03/20/2009 at 4:09pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, while in our communal showers in the highschool football locker room, I started to swing my penis around because it feels good and I was alone. Two minutes later the rest of the team hops into the shower with me. 30 dudes, one self-induced boner. FML

by JLoistheBomb / 02/10/2009 at 7:01pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my friend sent me a link about a nine year old kid who wrote an iPhone app that gets 2000 downloads per week. I am a 28 year old software developer and have been failing to write an iPhone app for months. FML

by dinosaur / 02/07/2009 at 10:06pm / United States (Washington) / Geek

Today, I sprayed hair spray under my arms instead of anti-perspirant. I didn't realize it until I went to put my shirt on and couldn't raise my arms. FML

by stanDman / 01/21/2009 at 3:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love