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Derpet

Offline (the 10/26/2014 at 3:49pm) | Search for a member

Derpet

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2153
  • Number of comments : 22
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Derpet : I am forever alone. Just go, now.

Derpet's page activity

Visits<b>Honey_Suckle18</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 8:48am<b>xadoringx</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 12:06am<b>Scarylizard1798</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 5:35pm<b>Nsswimmer</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 7:34am<b>MeAnd</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 6:34am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 10:06am<b>Lindsey_Marie</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 9:14am<b>leigh_xx</b> - the 04/17/2014 at 11:17am<b>terryaly</b> - the 03/28/2014 at 2:05am<b>ironfey</b> - the 03/02/2014 at 5:43pm<b>aquaticmammal624</b> - the 02/24/2014 at 6:41am<b>derpy_batman</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 11:00pm<b>LuluRichards</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 5:29pm<b>razi1</b> - the 01/30/2014 at 10:41pm<b>TheImaginarySong</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 9:01pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 01/25/2014 at 11:10pm<b>Andicc</b> - the 01/23/2014 at 1:32pm<b>Comet_Candy</b> - the 01/20/2014 at 10:35pm

Derpet's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of Derpet's badges

Derpet's favorite FMLs

Today, my trusty old car decided that it no longer needed its back passenger window-pane, and that in fact the window would look a lot better smashed to pieces by the roadside. FML

#20957404
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31250) - you deserved it (2927)

On 11/14/2013 at 10:17am - misc - by Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I superglued the sole back into my shoe. Unfortunately, the glue didn't dry as quickly as it said it would on the bottle. The glue seeped through the sole and my foot got superglued to my shoe. FML

#20956277
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39147) - you deserved it (11179)

On 11/13/2013 at 12:51pm - misc - by footstuck - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

#20955991
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46109) - you deserved it (12125)

On 11/13/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by CanWeAllGetOne - United States (Texas)

Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML

#20952990
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41419) - you deserved it (3767)

On 11/10/2013 at 6:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

#20952633
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36885) - you deserved it (3378)

On 11/10/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by fuck you, bitchcake (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, in the lunch line at school, a kid literally ordered a "hamburger with extra swag." FML

#20950369
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44342) - you deserved it (3344)

On 11/08/2013 at 3:12pm - work - by thank god you'll only live once (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was escorted out of a grocery store for beating my boyfriend with a block of cheese. FML

Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving at school, I was hot from running and took off my sweater. It was then, in a lecture hall with 400 people, that I realised I hadn't put a shirt on underneath. FML

#20945220
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45903) - you deserved it (10208)

On 11/04/2013 at 2:17pm - misc - by barebackingit (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML

#20943397
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42505) - you deserved it (7632)

On 11/03/2013 at 2:34am - animals - by katchoo (woman) - Denmark

Today, my 8-year-old came home from school crying. Apparently her teacher told the whole class to write about how they felt when they learned that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy weren't real. FML

#20942077
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52900) - you deserved it (5244)

On 11/02/2013 at 12:19am - kids - by SantaClaus - United States (California)

Today, during dinner, my mom told my dad and me in great detail about the "awesome" new cosmetic surgery idea she just had: constructing earlobes for lobeless ears, using skin taken from women's labia. I was forced to sit through this until I finished my plate. FML

#20941234
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41656) - you deserved it (3713)

On 11/01/2013 at 10:17am - intimacy - by Champignon (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML

#20941049
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86703) - you deserved it (6194)

On 11/01/2013 at 3:01am - intimacy - by PapaW - United States (Utah)

Today, my grandma has been running around the neighborhood, dressed as Bobo the Evil Clown, chasing trick-or-treaters. All I've been able to do is chase after her, and apologize to the terrified children's families. FML

#20941017
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37252) - you deserved it (3287)

On 11/01/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by bobosgonnagetyou - United States (Oregon)

Today, while I was working out, I was listening to music with my earbuds in. The Pokémon theme started playing and I begun singing along. It wasn't too long after that I remembered I was in a crowded gym on a military base. FML

#20940589
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37290) - you deserved it (10625)

On 10/31/2013 at 7:18pm - misc - by GymBattle (man) - United States

Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML

#20935582
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44285) - you deserved it (4971)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)



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