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DerpDerpDerrrp

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DerpDerpDerrrp

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I agree, their lives suck

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DerpDerpDerrrp's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML

#18146927
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15043) - you deserved it (34742)

On 11/03/2011 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by snownerd - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mom learned how to use the text messaging on her smartphone. I've received 37 already, and she calls after every single one to make sure I understood her. FML

#18137674
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34545) - you deserved it (2826)

On 11/02/2011 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I locked myself out of my own shop. And I'm a locksmith. FML

#18102402
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30593) - you deserved it (10373)

On 10/29/2011 at 10:07am - work - by joser6969 - United States

Today, I locked myself out of my own shop. And I'm a locksmith. FML

#18102402
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30593) - you deserved it (10373)

On 10/29/2011 at 10:07am - work - by joser6969 - United States

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

#18098530
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29867) - you deserved it (17603)

On 10/28/2011 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my roomate informed me that her snake was missing in our apartment again. Apparently, I need to be careful because the snake's attracted to blood. I'm on my period. FML

#18093315
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30523) - you deserved it (2577)

On 10/27/2011 at 11:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

#18087484
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32128) - you deserved it (7944)

On 10/27/2011 at 8:22am - intimacy - by ifeeldirty (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML

#18015213
321 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51033) - you deserved it (8033)

On 10/18/2011 at 1:34pm - intimacy - by Mini-wanker (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML

#18014569
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41711) - you deserved it (8484)

On 10/18/2011 at 11:01am - intimacy - by imy - United States (Texas)

Today, for our 3rd anniversary, I gave my boyfriend a watch, courtesy of Rolex. He gave me herpes, courtesy of his other girlfriend. FML

#18014393
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49945) - you deserved it (4548)

On 10/18/2011 at 10:16am - health - by stdpositivenow (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML

#18010067
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29217) - you deserved it (3531)

On 10/17/2011 at 9:14pm - work - by number2 - United States

Today, I took the train to visit my parents, which arrives late at night. As I was getting off, the cute guy in front of me looked out the window, then turned to me and said, "Doesn't that guy out there give you the creeps?" That guy was my dad. FML

#17996578
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27952) - you deserved it (2185)

On 10/16/2011 at 6:36am - misc - by DaddysGirl (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while reading over my sent application email to a job I have been trying to get, I found out my brother had put "Heil Hitler!" as my signature. FML

#17996037
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35427) - you deserved it (4981)

On 10/16/2011 at 3:15am - work - by Unemployed - United States (Oregon)

Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML

#17981660
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31464) - you deserved it (2225)

On 10/14/2011 at 10:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my students took my glasses, hid them from me, and called me a turtle when I squinted my eyes trying to look for them. This carried on for about 25 minutes. FML

#17980365
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25112) - you deserved it (3556)

On 10/14/2011 at 2:09am - kids - by TurtleTeacher (man) - United States (Alaska)



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