Decorus

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Offline (the 10/09/2014 at 6:59am)

Decorus

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 116
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Decorus : Hey I'm Emma. Just here for the laughs.

Decorus's page activity

Visits<b>morondon000</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 8:05pm<b>matt300</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 4:16pm<b>lydiaterry</b> - the 07/06/2013 at 4:30pm<b>melody309</b> - the 06/14/2013 at 1:25am<b>man_in_black08</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 6:38pm<b>civic690</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 5:43pm<b>murdaloco</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 5:30pm<b>heffastera</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 4:18pm<b>44LynnLynn</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 4:17pm<b>kingakbari</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 4:12pm<b>xxGheTToGumbYxx</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 2:52pm<b>d2d2d2</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 2:50pm<b>nissanleaf</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 2:22pm<b>Nolimit2217</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 2:08pm<b>golden_warrior</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 1:52pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 1:25pm<b>hellobobismyname</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 1:19pm<b>stomp13</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 1:08pm

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It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Mobility

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Decorus's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to get a shirt saying "I'm a girl," just so people won't think he's gay. FML

by Violet / 04/04/2014 at 9:57pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Love

Today, a man asked me on a date. It's been so long, I accepted immediately. He began quoting what seemed like random numbers to me, and it took me a few minutes to work out what he meant. Not only was I mistaken for a prostitute, I'm also worth, at most, $60. FML

by that kind of girl / 04/01/2014 at 8:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my crush asked to use my phone so he could Google something. Flattered that he wanted to use my phone, I agreed. After he was done, he handed it back with a weird look. I later realized he had found himself in my top searches. FML

by Gigi / 09/05/2012 at 12:29am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

by notinflammable / 06/27/2009 at 12:41am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML

by dearme / 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML

by Rhyno / 05/05/2009 at 11:37am / United States (New York) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML

by Noname / 02/26/2009 at 10:30am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

by hahahehehohohoo / 02/06/2009 at 10:55pm / United States (California) / Love