Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

DeathofCareBear

Online | Search for a member

DeathofCareBear

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : ,
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 11 August 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2692
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About DeathofCareBear : When it comes to suicide missions I'm the bomb. Also bow ties are cool because the doctor said so.

DeathofCareBear's page activity

Visits<b>winner1611</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 5:23am<b>obey_clarence</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 3:28pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 01/31/2015 at 8:34pm<b>bolanle2nv</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 9:20pm<b>expertsmilee</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 6:30pm<b>s3kShUn47</b> - the 10/30/2014 at 5:40am<b>Welshite</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 2:13pm

Liked!<b>buckdharma</b> - the 01/31/2015 at 9:45pm

DeathofCareBear's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

See all of DeathofCareBear's badges

DeathofCareBear's favorite FMLs

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

#21363391
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25933) - you deserved it (2896)

On 02/25/2015 at 4:39pm - intimacy - by Fuck - United States (Michigan)

Today, away at college, I called my grandmother to hear how she was doing after her knee surgery. She ended up talking about Hooters and how I should work there because of my "rare body". When I mentioned I've been studying computer science, earning a 3.8 GPA, she replied, "But you're a girl." FML

#21361518
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32950) - you deserved it (2876)

On 02/23/2015 at 2:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

#21360278
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34170) - you deserved it (2594)

On 02/21/2015 at 8:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

#21358985
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17158) - you deserved it (29437)

On 02/19/2015 at 12:45am - intimacy - by heymacie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, once again I tried to convince my dad to stop smoking. And once again, while I was speaking, he lit up a cigarette and smoked until my asthma flared up and I was wheezing so hard that I had to leave the room. FML

#21356583
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32026) - you deserved it (3288)

On 02/15/2015 at 9:52am - love - by =( (woman) - Australia

Today, my daughter got her first period. Nobody was home but my husband. He didn't know what to do, except give her a sponge to put in her underwear. FML

#21356191
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35198) - you deserved it (3385)

On 02/14/2015 at 7:34pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

#21355574
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34558) - you deserved it (2909)

On 02/13/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while watching a clip of the show "16 and Pregnant" on YouTube in my room, my mom yelled from the kitchen that dinner was ready. Without skipping a beat, I yelled back, "I'm pregnant!" I'm a guy. FML

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

#21354315
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18641) - you deserved it (35371)

On 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm - misc - by SDCore (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a big figure skating competition. Many of the girls before me fell or did not execute their jumps correctly. Me? I skated a flawless program. I was placed last because they said I didn't push myself hard enough to the point of falling. FML

#21351174
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40148) - you deserved it (2537)

On 02/06/2015 at 9:35pm - misc - by depressedskatergirl - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the kid I was tutoring told me that "pirates were a myth. Like the Greeks and Romans." He's 16. FML

#21349360
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32890) - you deserved it (2347)

On 02/03/2015 at 10:39pm - misc - by FrustratedTutor - United States (Kansas)

Today, I saw my co-worker write about how awful Muslims were and how the religion is stupid, the hijab is oppressive, and how they're a poison on society. When I questioned them about it, they pretty much said that I didn't know anything and should stop talking. I'm Muslim and a hijabi. FML

#21349339
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32700) - you deserved it (5250)

On 02/03/2015 at 10:13pm - work - by coveredupforfun (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML

#21348755
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40173) - you deserved it (4170)

On 02/02/2015 at 11:36pm - love - by bootyislife - United States (Washington)

Today, my boss explained that the company will be letting me go. She got so upset that she couldn't leave her office and I had to console her. I had to make her feel less sad for laying me off. FML

#21347642
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28240) - you deserved it (2217)

On 02/01/2015 at 5:21am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got back from a two-day trip for which I'd left my husband and kids at home. There's fresh vomit inside of my oven, and my 4 year old son has a mullet. FML

#21347579
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32105) - you deserved it (3682)

On 02/01/2015 at 12:50am - misc - by neverleavingagain (woman) - United States (Texas)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: