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DeathofCareBear

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DeathofCareBear

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : ,
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 11 August 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5222
  • Number of comments : 22
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About DeathofCareBear : When it comes to suicide missions I'm the bomb.

DeathofCareBear's page activity

Visits<b>TheDanBexfield</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 7:07am<b>Dusty_Cups</b> - the 05/22/2015 at 7:50pm<b>Roskie</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 7:02pm<b>Doritozilla</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 4:28pm<b>kerstileann</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 12:18am<b>jesterinperil</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 10:35pm<b>b3altena</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 7:16pm<b>bolanle2nv</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 12:19pm<b>winner1611</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 5:23am<b>obey_clarence</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 3:28pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 01/31/2015 at 8:34pm<b>expertsmilee</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 6:30pm<b>s3kShUn47</b> - the 10/30/2014 at 5:40am<b>Welshite</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 2:13pm

Fucked!<b>buckdharma</b> - the 01/31/2015 at 9:45pm

DeathofCareBear's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of DeathofCareBear's badges

DeathofCareBear's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML

#21423894
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35143) - you deserved it (6958)

On 06/10/2015 at 12:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my 14 year old brother and 9 year old sister were fighting. My brother said "You suck!" to my sister, and she replied with "You swallow!" FML

Today, I saw my uncle, whom I have not seen in five years, at a family gathering. His reaction to seeing me? "Holy SHIT you have BOOBS! The guys must be all over you!" I awkwardly replied, "No..." Then he muttered, "I know I would." FML

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

#21414312
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27886) - you deserved it (2114)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML

#21414003
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30321) - you deserved it (2102)

On 05/22/2015 at 1:10pm - misc - by homo fuckofftus (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

#21411971
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32241) - you deserved it (2969)

On 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I surprised my 7 and 1.5 year old girls with a princess dinner. I quickly realized it was a scam when the "princesses" arrived looking more suited to a bachelor party. I was able to quickly get the girls out, but have spent the evening explaining why Pocahontas was heavily tattooed. FML

Today, I had to pick my brother up from work because he broke down crying. I arrived to find that apparently, you can get so stoned that serving a pregnant woman at a fast food joint moves you to tears over the miracle of life. FML

#21409953
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30169) - you deserved it (2213)

On 05/14/2015 at 10:23am - misc - by sistertaxi - Australia

Today, I went to work at my job as a CNA at a long-term care facility. I'm also on a medication that has a side effect of confusion. I had 3 residents with Alzheimer's tell me to 'get my shit together.' FML

Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

#21406764
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19773) - you deserved it (36682)

On 05/08/2015 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - India (Delhi)

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

#21403147
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32860) - you deserved it (3411)

On 05/01/2015 at 10:22pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom announced my pregnancy to the entire family via Facebook with the post, "Just went from a MILF to a GILF in one moment of unprotected sex." FML

#21401833
102 comments

Today, I asked my class to name some West African countries. Several of them thought Ebola was a country. I teach an AP history class. FML

#21400396
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33921) - you deserved it (3647)

On 04/27/2015 at 12:58am - work - by advanced history teacher (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

#21399850
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32512) - you deserved it (3091)

On 04/26/2015 at 4:19am - love - by fuck you (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I orgasmed in front of someone for the first time. Too bad it was my dad who didn't knock before coming in. FML

#21399489
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34187) - you deserved it (5262)

On 04/25/2015 at 1:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



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