DeathofCareBear

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DeathofCareBear

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : ,
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 11 August 1995 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 8849
  • Number of comments : 65
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About DeathofCareBear : When it comes to suicide missions I'm the bomb.

DeathofCareBear's page activity

Visits<b>Mightyrif</b> - the 05/06/2016 at 7:26am<b>not_emo_kid666</b> - the 04/16/2016 at 8:31pm<b>watermelon15</b> - the 03/22/2016 at 10:14am<b>tin_cup</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 5:34pm<b>hmiller2337</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 2:51pm<b>guther_unicorn</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 5:43pm<b>dudeguybruh</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 12:59pm<b>PenguinsLaugh</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 7:57pm<b>Olliebob1619</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 7:29pm<b>wiccaantje</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 4:51pm<b>buckaroo_1999</b> - the 10/20/2015 at 2:29pm<b>Idekanymore123</b> - the 10/15/2015 at 7:11pm<b>howard007</b> - the 10/15/2015 at 2:51pm<b>VinsanityB</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 2:42am<b>amacy23</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 11:17am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 11:08am<b>AnthriX95</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 7:59am<b>hufflepuffle</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 1:23am

Fucked!<b>watermelon15</b> - the 03/22/2016 at 3:14pm<b>PenguinsLaugh</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 1:57am<b>senor_octubre</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 11:17pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 5:13am<b>buckdharma</b> - the 01/31/2015 at 9:45pm

DeathofCareBear's FML badges

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DeathofCareBear's favorite FMLs

Today, at the supermarket, I picked up a pack of toilet rolls, at which point my 5-year-old daughter turned to me and screamed, "A CLEAN BUTTHOLE IS A HAPPY BUTTHOLE!" in front of a dozen other people. I have no idea where she heard that. FML

by humiliated / 03/20/2016 at 7:54am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, the play I was directing opened. The curtain opened, and my lead actor and actress weren't prepared. I could tell from the looks on their faces as the whole audience saw him balls deep in her, doggy style, on stage. FML

by headinabag33 / 02/14/2016 at 8:57pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I took my girlfriend out for a romantic dinner, since we can't see each other this Valentine's Day. Halfway through, my aunt called, telling me my grandma had died. I had to leave because I was crying so much, leaving my girlfriend with a very pricey bill. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2016 at 6:28am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tutored a third grade girl after school. She was squirming so much I thought she had to go to the bathroom. Turns out, she was just masturbating on the corner of a school chair. FML

by Katie1921 / 02/08/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I accidentally walked in on my sister shaving, naked. I don't know what's worse, the fact I've now seen her nude, or that she looks ten times better than any girl I've ever slept with. FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2016 at 4:33am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

by sweetie808 / 01/28/2016 at 3:39am / United States (Hawaii) / Animals

Today, a customer scared me for the sole purpose of watching my breasts jiggle when I jumped in surprise. I know because his head moved as they did, and he said, "Nice." before walking away. FML

by NotYourToy / 01/27/2016 at 2:59am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I found out my family refers to my room as "the virgin cave". FML

by Dexter_39476 / 01/24/2016 at 12:40am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous

Today, a girl in my class introduced herself to me for the fourth time this semester. Am I really that invisible? FML

by Mr_Yato / 01/19/2016 at 3:07pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad made me figure out how to disable the adult content filters on our internet. He spent what must have been a full 10 minutes on a distracting, long-winded speech about how he doesn't want to look up porn, but "it's just the principle of the damn thing". Sure, dad. Sure. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2016 at 11:16pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancée was asleep, so I decided to spoon her from behind and cup her boobs to wake her up nicely. She responded by yelling, "THE TOAST!" and elbowing me in the face whilst still asleep. FML

by mouse_13 / 01/15/2016 at 1:28am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in years to ask about my upcoming wedding and possibly walking me down the aisle. He claimed the only reason he left was because he thought I'd be gay. I am. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2016 at 4:03pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I was out with my brother and his group of very cute friends at a Cheesecake Factory. When the server came to take our orders, she asked me what kind of sauce I liked. Like a complete fuckwit, I blurted, "I like creamy white stuff." The guy across from me choked on his water. FML

by Bex98 / 01/11/2016 at 3:17am / United States (California) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I recently burned both my hands at work so I had to ask my husband for help changing my tampon, but he refused saying it would make him feel sick. This from the man who routinely sticks his tongue in my asshole when we have sex. FML

by anne / 01/07/2016 at 7:00am / Germany / Intimacy

Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 5:31pm / United States / Intimacy