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DeathofCareBear

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DeathofCareBear

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  • Number of visits : 580
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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DeathofCareBear's page activity

Visits<b>Welshite</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 2:13pm

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I agree, their lives suck

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DeathofCareBear's favorite FMLs

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

#21282761
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5904) - you deserved it (687)

On 10/21/2014 at 10:11pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

#21282367
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22371) - you deserved it (4415)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23995) - you deserved it (6933)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I climbed onto my boyfriend's lap and sexily told him "It's getting hot in here," and started unbuttoning my shirt. He said "Oh," pushed me off him, and went to turn the ceiling fan on. FML

#21279866
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34584) - you deserved it (4900)

On 10/17/2014 at 2:29pm - intimacy - by gettinghotinhere - United States (California)

Today, I got the best grade in class on my economics midterm. Rather than tell me I did a good job, my professor criticized me in front of everyone about how I was working "too hard". FML

#21279849
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32851) - you deserved it (3271)

On 10/17/2014 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by katsaysner - United States (Maine)

Today, my wife yelled at me for being a bastard and not caring about her needs. I felt like an asshole and apologized for everything. It took me a few hours to realize I'd basically just apologized for unknowingly hanging the toilet paper the "wrong way" for her OCD. FML

#21279154
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31669) - you deserved it (4775)

On 10/16/2014 at 3:30pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

#21278356
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24742) - you deserved it (49274)

On 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML

#21276832
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34893) - you deserved it (7008)

On 10/13/2014 at 10:15am - intimacy - by badplacerightnow (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a nurse asked my relationship status. I answered, "Married". She then asked if there was any possibility of me being pregnant. I hardly contained my snort, before responding, "No, you have to have sex for that." I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that it's true or her laughter. FML

#21275225
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35453) - you deserved it (4851)

On 10/10/2014 at 9:25pm - intimacy - by bluevix (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got my first compliment in over a year. It was from my gynecologist, saying I have a beautiful cervix. FML

#21275026
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31940) - you deserved it (2914)

On 10/10/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by JulietMarie - United States (New York)

Today, I attended an assembly regarding senior graduation. The assistant principal told us to look to the left and right of us, because those people would be our friends for the rest of our lives. I was the only one in the entire row. FML

#21273575
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37471) - you deserved it (3589)

On 10/08/2014 at 2:48pm - misc - by allergic_to_bull (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while on vacation, my parents called to inform me that my best friend had died in a car accident. Why? To trick me into tearfully confessing my love for him. It worked. FML

#21272324
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46590) - you deserved it (3834)

On 10/06/2014 at 9:14pm - love - by whywouldyoudothat - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got robbed. I just moved so I didn't have much in my new house. They did decide that my cat was valuable enough to steal. FML

#21271461
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41943) - you deserved it (2496)

On 10/05/2014 at 7:30pm - animals - by FML - United States (Texas)

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML

#21270711
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39840) - you deserved it (8442)

On 10/04/2014 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by SadMother - United States (Connecticut)



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Friday 17 October 2014

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