DeathByVanilla

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DeathByVanilla

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 10 August 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1359
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About DeathByVanilla : Ask Away.

DeathByVanilla's page activity

Visits<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 5:16pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 11/14/2014 at 4:43pm<b>JCBaseball13</b> - the 04/04/2011 at 4:34am<b>I_iz_B_a_troll</b> - the 03/29/2011 at 8:00am<b>soccerchick_1994</b> - the 03/24/2011 at 6:55pm<b>qtips402</b> - the 03/20/2011 at 10:07am<b>life_sucks_screw</b> - the 03/20/2011 at 12:22am<b>thatguyyx</b> - the 02/24/2011 at 5:53pm

DeathByVanilla's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

DeathByVanilla's favorite FMLs

Today, I was mugged. The guy mugging me was eating a banana. FML

by wtfisthisworldcomingto / 04/25/2011 at 8:11am / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2011 at 3:27am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Animals

Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids broke down the door and pelted me with eggs. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 11:06am / United States (South Carolina) / Kids

Today, I finally confessed my feelings to my long time crush. He was the only one I've been able to muster up the courage to open up to. He replied "lmao" and hasn't texted back since. FML

by notfunny / 04/08/2011 at 9:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML

by Anonymous / 04/01/2011 at 12:32am / United States / Love

Today, while at the mall I opened a bathroom stall thinking nobody was in there. The door just didn't close properly. I hit an elderly woman in the head. FML

by FckMyLife / 03/24/2011 at 10:46am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML

by parenting_failure / 03/20/2011 at 12:10pm / Kids

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

by Almostfunny / 03/16/2011 at 9:01am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal, my son had pooped in the school yard then gave the teacher a ziploc bag and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML

by anonymous / 03/15/2011 at 10:05pm / Kids

Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend "where art thou my love?" via SMS. She replied "Toilet." FML

by gummy bear / 01/21/2011 at 6:41am / Love

Today, I went to my Calculus lecture, one of a class of 200 people. As I looked down I noticed that a guy a few rows in front of me was on Facebook. When I took a closer look, I noticed he was viewing my profile. He stalked the profile for a full 45 minutes. I have never met this guy in my life. FML

by Anonymous / 11/24/2010 at 5:00pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Love

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

by Cheese4men / 05/14/2010 at 7:28pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, after waiting to get home to go to the bathroom, my six year old neighbor popped out and literally scared the shit out of me. FML

by Scaredshitless / 02/03/2010 at 8:48am / Health

Today, my girlfriend and I were in my basement. I play drums and guitar very well. My girlfriend bet me $50 that she could play better than me. I made the bet, but what I didn't know was that she had been taking both drum and guitar lessons since she was 5. I just lost $50. FML

by unknown / 01/31/2010 at 1:54am / Love

Today, I was at the movie theatre. I went to the bathroom, and was about to wipe my butt when I realized that where the toilet-paper dispenser should have been, there was a large hole. The woman in the next stall waved. FML

by pass_the_tp / 01/12/2010 at 9:57pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous