Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

DeadxTime

Search for a member

DeadxTime
  • Town/Country : Aberdeen , USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 31 July 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 193
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About DeadxTime : I'm batman.

DeadxTime's last visitors

brooke_lalainesdroze1389nothinghere1234Red_Link10WelshiteChildRepellentnaxeebzBLAKEzticia002andy594328Ghost_KaulitzawesomepantTamia

DeadxTime's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of DeadxTime's badges

DeadxTime's favorite FMLs

Today, my parents felt the need to lecture me about how people who "smoke the reefer" are a "waste of life" and will never amount to anything. I was baked during the entire conversation, and actually ended up breaking down in tears, because I realized they were totally right. FML

#19840334
496 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8314) - you deserved it (43065)

On 06/24/2012 at 5:45pm - kids - by :( (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

#19791702
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9391) - you deserved it (17615)

On 06/15/2012 at 10:21am - kids - by habbsrule - Canada

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

#19772012
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19455) - you deserved it (2454)

On 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm - love - by amidreaming?? (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML

#19756673
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25887) - you deserved it (1484)

On 06/08/2012 at 7:13pm - misc - by somebody - United States (Maryland)

Today, I learned why the phrase "seafood taco salad" terrifies everyone in the school's cafeteria. What happened to me after eating it made Saw III look like a Disney movie. FML

#19352692
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16317) - you deserved it (2934)

On 03/26/2012 at 6:21pm - health - by Mandy - United States

Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML

#19319473
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22275) - you deserved it (2559)

On 03/21/2012 at 7:46am - health - by J Rush - United Kingdom (Powys)

Today, I got threatened with a gun through the drive thru speaker because I didn't offer some guy any pies to go with his meal. FML

#19291503
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20559) - you deserved it (2523)

On 03/17/2012 at 12:37am - work - by CDeVeney92 - United States (Texas)

Today, I had just finished up at work. I was standing on a street corner, waiting to cross to get to my car on the other side. I had three people pull up beside me and ask me how much I charged. FML

#19283430
192 comments

Today, as I was leaving for work, I discovered my neighbor had just passed away. I found out when I came across his body lying in my front yard. FML

#19087811
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29191) - you deserved it (1697)

On 02/15/2012 at 6:53pm - misc - by Jedi2500 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learnt there's a woman who comes into my store only to hear my Barry White-like voice. My boss knows who it is, yet refuses to tell me because it's "hilarious." I'm now cautious of every customer. FML

#18950332
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16815) - you deserved it (2511)

On 01/30/2012 at 4:00am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, trying to be romantic, I invited my girlfriend over to watch a movie. I said she could pick one up on the way, and I'd pay for it later. I ended up having to suffer through some "movie" that involved nothing but Nicolas Cage gurning like a stroke victim between crappy fight scenes. FML

#18872855
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9211) - you deserved it (23852)

On 01/21/2012 at 5:44pm - love - by actor my ass (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

#18625590
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31217) - you deserved it (5111)

On 12/27/2011 at 2:53pm - misc - by ericane27 - United States

Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML

#18159887
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12205) - you deserved it (31083)

On 11/04/2011 at 9:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was talking with my uncle, when the subject of my abusive mother-in-law came up. He assured me he'd talk to her and straighten things out. Apparently this means posting on her Facebook wall threatening to "pimp-slap a bitch" if she doesn't get her "fat ass out of family business". FML

#17931369
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22898) - you deserved it (3031)

On 10/07/2011 at 10:40pm - misc - by ...... (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, the boy I like came to my house with a dozen roses to ask me to homecoming. My uncle chased him down the street with a pitchfork. FML

#17857162
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32011) - you deserved it (1706)

On 09/28/2011 at 5:52pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: