Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

DeadxTime

Search for a member

DeadxTime

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 31 July 1994 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 406
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About DeadxTime : I'm batman.

DeadxTime's page activity

Visits<b>RockUntilYouDie</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 11:36am<b>allplayedout</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 1:21pm<b>AlliTheKat</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 12:37am<b>eezila</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 1:26pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/22/2014 at 2:12am<b>sdroze1389</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 11:28am<b>nothinghere1234</b> - the 03/31/2014 at 12:53am<b>Welshite</b> - the 03/12/2014 at 10:32am<b>ChildRepellent</b> - the 03/10/2014 at 1:15am<b>naxeeb</b> - the 03/01/2014 at 5:00am<b>zBLAKEz</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 3:21pm<b>ticia002</b> - the 02/21/2014 at 7:13pm<b>andy594328</b> - the 02/21/2014 at 7:32am<b>Ghost_Kaulitz</b> - the 02/17/2014 at 10:39pm<b>awesomepantTamia</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 3:16pm<b>ZY1431</b> - the 02/08/2014 at 10:47am<b>greeneyebeauty9</b> - the 02/06/2014 at 2:33pm<b>chiahuahualove</b> - the 02/06/2014 at 9:02am

DeadxTime's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of DeadxTime's badges

DeadxTime's favorite FMLs

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

#20727456
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39819) - you deserved it (3690)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML

#20691900
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27971) - you deserved it (51540)

On 05/28/2013 at 8:48pm - money - by pool party - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML

#20656177
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38538) - you deserved it (6764)

On 05/11/2013 at 12:21pm - kids - by What the fuck, son? (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

#20460771
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39151) - you deserved it (6930)

On 01/15/2013 at 1:57pm - love - by Bella (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

#20448629
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28225) - you deserved it (1785)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I saw Les Misérables. I was singing along to one of the songs when the guy next to me dumped his soda over my head and told me to shut up. FML

#20447311
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16094) - you deserved it (90746)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:34am - misc - by maddiecat - United States (Missouri)

Today, I played a game of Monopoly with my friends. Since I'm of Greek origin, they thought it would be funny to make me start with a €100,000 debt. FML

#20398504
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25502) - you deserved it (4816) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm - money - by Money-money-money (woman) - France

Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML

#20164153
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8272) - you deserved it (39776)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML

#20156633
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21755) - you deserved it (2841)

On 11/09/2012 at 7:30pm - kids - by john r.t. (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

#20142294
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30582) - you deserved it (2150)

On 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm - kids - by ananymous - United States (New York)

Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML

#20124199
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16943) - you deserved it (1924)

On 10/19/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Watchtower? More like fortress. (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML

#20079105
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27190) - you deserved it (2834)

On 09/19/2012 at 10:54am - misc - by LawStudent (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was driving down a dark country road with the windows down. Suddenly, a giant barn owl flew through my side-window and smacked into my head, causing me to drive into a ditch. FML

#20008924
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21876) - you deserved it (2134)

On 08/08/2012 at 1:59am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't want to go out with him because I was having a fat day. After ten minutes of fighting, he threw a ring box on the floor and stormed out. I basically refused his proposal because of my body issues. FML

#19977285
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8749) - you deserved it (60664)

On 07/22/2012 at 9:33pm - love - by henley -

Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML

#19949637
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10685) - you deserved it (38146)

On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: