Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

DeadxManxWalking

Search for a member

DeadxManxWalking
  • Town/Country : Ask me, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 6356
  • Number of comments : 506
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About DeadxManxWalking : "I am the same as you, a dead man walking on the surface of the earth."

Hi, my name is Malik. I enjoy meeting new people and making people laugh and smile. I LOVE wolves, music, and video games.

DeadxManxWalking's last visitors

lisaintDemonkingireply_wlyricsRizzenEllaJSwiftieashley69hottThriceWrittencmchewyCrazyfudge

DeadxManxWalking's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of DeadxManxWalking's badges

DeadxManxWalking's favorite FMLs

Today, I repeatedly screamed so loudly and with such emotion at a video game, that my neighbours thought I was in trouble and called the police. FML

#19399944
187 comments

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML

#19397932
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27960) - you deserved it (3067)

On 04/02/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

#19394272
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19216) - you deserved it (1983)

On 04/02/2012 at 9:37am - misc - by Deadman (man) - United States

Today, I learned that my mother now refuses to drink anything but bottled water because she actually believes that the government is putting a chemical in tap water that lowers pregnancy rates. She is trying for her 5th child. FML

#19372979
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19571) - you deserved it (1713)

On 03/29/2012 at 10:16pm - misc - by rusrs - United Kingdom

Today, while walking down the street, I saw a man attacking a woman in an alley. I ran to help, and shoved the man away from her. Except it turns out he wasn't attacking her; he was getting it on with his fiancée. FML

#19363644
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27774) - you deserved it (4722)

On 03/28/2012 at 1:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my 27 year old boyfriend chose playing with Lego over making sweet love to me. FML

#19363269
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20187) - you deserved it (9624)

On 03/28/2012 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I realised being the only female engineering student sucks. I have exactly one friend, because everyone else is too busy staring at my boobs to have a conversation. FML

#19357062
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21832) - you deserved it (3981)

On 03/27/2012 at 11:54am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

#19343662
370 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36634) - you deserved it (11379)

On 03/25/2012 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a seductive way, only to roll deodorant under my armpits. FML

#19337633
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11803) - you deserved it (31041)

On 03/24/2012 at 8:14am - intimacy - by SG - United States

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by vaulting over the side of a stairway rail parkour-style. Now I feel like I almost broke my legs, and judging by her hysterical laughter, she considers me more of a fool than a stud. FML

#19334531
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5562) - you deserved it (26531)

On 03/23/2012 at 7:51pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend, and ended up sitting next to this girl who wouldn't stop sneezing. Grossed out, I asked my boyfriend if we could switch seats. After doing so, the girl immediately stopped sneezing and started flirting with him. FML

#19331196
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27852) - you deserved it (4931)

On 03/23/2012 at 3:39am - love - by Hana (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

#19330918
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43700) - you deserved it (4210)

On 03/23/2012 at 1:55am - intimacy - by mrricecakes (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cock blocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML

#19323804
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23359) - you deserved it (5777)

On 03/21/2012 at 11:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I realised that I've been working in an all-male environment for too long when my supervisor walked into the canteen visibly scratching his balls, and this seemed like a completely normal occurrence. FML

#19319680
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17256) - you deserved it (2277)

On 03/21/2012 at 9:25am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML

#19319000
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24048) - you deserved it (6977)

On 03/21/2012 at 3:27am - intimacy - by ReallyBro (woman) - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: